


My Made up song

by DayumDekuu



Category: myheroacademia - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, AbusedIzuku, AggressiveShoto, Alternate Universe - No Quirks (My Hero Academia), Bakugo is hopelessly in love, Bakugo is soft sometimes, BakugoIsABitPossesive, Bakugou Katsuki is Bad at Feelings, Fluff, Jealous Bakugo, M/M, MaybeAlilKinky, Midoriya Izuku Does Not Have One for All Quirk, MomUraraka, ShotoHasIssues, ShotoIsCrazy, SweetBakugoKatsuki, They have HISTORY, Uraraka Ochako is a Good Friend, bakudeku, bakugo - Freeform, bakugo is in loooove, bakugo tries to be romantic, childhood bully, deadinko, domesticabuse, izuku - Freeform, izuku is kinda sad, jealous shoto, kirishima eijirou - Freeform, maybe smut?, no quirks, sweet deku, urarka is a baddie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:28:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 34,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23513149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DayumDekuu/pseuds/DayumDekuu
Summary: "How can I forget? How am I supposed to just let everything I did go? I can't pretend to be his salvation when I was also the thing that damned him into this hell."
Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Izuku/Todoroki Shouto
Comments: 26
Kudos: 173





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so i'm new at this, pls be nice to me :') Enjoy!

Izuku Pov 

It was so loud, so so loud. My heart was hammering, threatening to jump out of my chest. Lights were flashing brightly, flickering and making my eyes water. I don’t know why I agreed to come out. I never do. I guess that’s probably why uraraka forced me to get dressed in my “sexiest” outfit and accompany her to this club. I hated clubs, and she knew this. I hated the idea of mindlessness filling a room, threatening to overflow.

Okay, I'm being melodramatic, I know. It’s not lost on me that my way of thinking has become quite cynical. But really, this is the only way I can protect myself. I pushed the old, naive version of myself back into the deepest, darkest places of my mind. One more break, and I don't think My heart could handle it.  
So, for now, I'll keep these walls up high enough that no one can get in. That no one can know the truth.. The truth about how broken I feel. Hopeless. How I know there’s no one out there that could ever love me, the way I could love them. My past relationships… Well, relationship.. Has proven this to be true. 

I shake my head, to rid these thoughts, as my hand tightens around the glass in my hand. I spot uraraka in the middle of the dance floor, grinding shamelessly against a stranger. “Good for her” I thought bitterly. She must have felt my unease, somehow she just knows when I'm getting pushed too far, it's like she has a sixth sense for this kind of thing.  
She excuses herself from the stranger and makes her way over to me. She raises her eyebrow in question and huffs. “C’mon, zuku! We are supposed to be having fun! Maybe you’ll meet someone!” she says with a smirk. I almost laugh, almost. “You know this isn’t my scene, Uraraka… I don’t know…” 

Without another word, she pushed the glass back to my lips forcing me to choke down the rest of the alcohol filling my cup, as she yells to the bartender to bring on a round of shots. I fear for the man that ever tries to deny her, she is firey and I can only bask in her warmth. She’s the only one I can truly count on. My best friend.  
She smiles as the shots are delivered, and slams one into my hand. The liquid sloshes inside the small glass, but settles. I glare at her, no real anger behind it. “Are you trying to get me drunk?” I asked humorously. She only giggles before grabbing her own shot glass. “But of course, dekkkkuuuuuuu…” she giggles out again. 

I tense at the nickname, but it has the desired effect she wanted. I throw the shot back and wince at the taste, before politely calling to the bartender to bring on another round. A laugh rips through Uraraka, before she easily throws back her shot. After about 15 minutes passes, and several shots later, I’m pulled to the dance floor and for once, I have no objections. 

The alcohol loosens all of the tense muscles in my body, swaying my hips. The music still pounds, but this time, it makes me smile. I throw my arms in the air and sway my hips even more, trying my best to keep up to the upbeat song playing. I lost uraraka at some point, but that doesn’t stop my movements.  
I feel strong hands grip my hips, guiding me back until I'm flushed against a strong chest. I gasp in surprise, looking over my shoulder to see blonde hair, and rippling muscles. I can’t quite see the face of this man, but I have enough to know, he’s definitely my type. I move my hips in a sinful way, making the man behind me grunt in approval.  
He easily keeps up with my movements for the next few songs, before leaning his head down in the crook of my neck. Warmth breath falls on the shell of my ear, making me shudder. I feel the heat rising to my face, but I don’t slow my movements. His hands slide slowly, one going up over my chest and the other sliding down to grip my Ass. 

I gasp again, throwing my head back. This gives the man time to wrap his large hand around my throat, giving a gentle squeeze. I squeak in surprise, my cheeks turning into an even darker shade of pink. I hold my breath, hoping all of this is drowned out by the music. However, I knew that wasn’t the case when he lets out a deep chuckle.  
He spins me around quickly, finally allowing me to see his face. I look up, hazily And I feel my heart completely cease its movements. I can’t hear the music anymore. I can’t see any of the grinding bodies around us. All I can focus on is him. His scarlet eyes that seem to hold the same level of surprise my emerald ones probably do. His lip is turned slightly down, hands still gripping tightly to my hips. God, those lips...

“K-kachaan…?” I gasp out. I can’t help but look over the rest of his body. His arms and chest resting in a tight, black tank top. Paired with skin tight, black ripped jeans and black sneakers. He looks amazing, and I still can’t breathe.  
He seems as stunned as I am, He hasn’t moved since seeing my face. I laugh, pitifully, before lowering my eyes to the floor. I mumble out some sort of apology, before turning on my heel and quickly maneuvering my way through the crowd towards the bathroom. 

I don’t look back. I can’t. Tears finally spring to my eyes, and threaten to spill over. I choke back a sob as I throw open the bathroom door. I slam my back against the door, wincing at the slight pain it brings, before I slowly sink down to the floor. I wipe furiously at my eyes with shaking hands.  
It had been years since I've seen kachaan, and everything came rushing back so quickly. Every hurtful word, every time he put me down… but worstly, the sharp, stabbing pain I felt in my heart every time something reminded me of him. 

The fact that I still loved him.


	2. chapter 2

**Katsuki Pov:**

I couldn't believe what I was seeing... What I was, feeling. He stood there, big emerald eyes staring up at me, expectantly. But i'm not sure what it IS he's expecting. Does he think i'll yell? Announce my hatred? I don't know how long I've been holding my breath, but my chest begins to burn due to the lack of oxygen coming in. 

He's just so breath taking. Big eyes, so wide and curious. Plump Lips that mumble out little apologizes, wait why is he apologizing? I want to tell him how happy I am to see him, and how he's been on my mind every day. I want to tell him how much I've missed him and how sorry I am. But, nothing comes out. I open my mouth, trying to force myself to speak. He doesn't give me the chance, before he's turning on his heel pushing through the crowd of sweaty bodies lining the floor. I'm frozen to my spot. Was he... really here? After all of this time, I wouldn't blame him for running away from me. After, everything I did.. everything I said. No. I won't make the same mistake again. 

I snap out of my daze and start after him. Did he come here alone? I panic, I can't spot him anywhere. I take a deep breath and try to think. Where would he hide? My eyes scan around the club, checking through crowds of people. No, it's too loud. He would look for somewhere quiet. Shakily, I push out a breath i didn't realize I was holding. That's when a sign pops into my line of vision. The bathroom. I move quickly, determinedly to the bathroom. I wiggle the handle, it's unlocked... I push against the door only to realize there's something blocking the door. What the fuck? I peek inside, carefully, only to find deku crumpled on the floor. Sobbing and pulling at his hair. His chest heaves with unsteady breaths. My heart clenches at the sight before me. 

I quickly Push my body through the door before closing it and locking it behind me. I sink down to my knees next to the weeping ball on the floor. "Deku, c'mon... stop crying." I whisper. I'm not even sure if he heard me over the sound of his own sobs. I reach a gentle hand out to touch him, to let him know i'm here. He flinches at the touch, making me frown and quickly retract my hand. I can't push him, I need to make him comfortable enough to calm down. I try to ignore the pain in my chest,as he lifts his eyes to meet mine. His eyes are glassy from tears and his nose and cheeks are stained red, hiding the freckles underneath. Those cute little freckles... I shake the thought away and focus on helping him calm down. He pulls in a deep breathe before sitting up, shakily. He looks hesitant, choking down his cries, before he finally speaks. "I-i'm so sorry k-kachaan. I didn't mean to, to... to do that! I didn't l-look at who was behind me and and and.." he chokes on another sob, effectively ending his sentence. His hands shake, and wind around himself, obviously trying to bring himself some sort of comfort. 

I've seen izuku cry many times, especially when we were kids. It pained me so much then, but I didn't understand my own feelings. I wanted to make him hurt as much as i did... I wanted him to feel the way he made my heart speed in my chest, the way everything around me was burning hopelessly.. He was the only light I ever had. He always was there, a step behind me, offering his help. I didn't want his fucking help, dammit. He was just a stupid kid. But, so was I. He was always so empathetic, strong, passionate...I hated him for being what I couldn't. I envied the light in his eyes, and the way his heart continuously gave, and gave.. And he never seemed to run out of love and kindness to give. I hated it. I hated that I knew one day he would set himself of fire to keep those around him warm. I didn't want to watch the world burn that light away, so... I guess, in my own fucked up way, I was trying to protect him. He needed to know that the world would never return that kindness. It was cruel, harsh.. unforgiving. I hate to see him like this now, even more than I did back then. I shook my head, returning all of my attention to the sobbing figure in front of me. Crying like this almost made it impossible for me to view him as any older than the last time I saw him. It must have been highschool. I mean, it's not like I know the exact day or anything.... fuck. 

"De-Izuku..." I mumble out, as gently as possible. I've never been good with emotions. He snaps his head up again at the use of his name. I try to ignore how good it feels rolling off my tongue. I reach my hand out again, offering it to him. "Just... just come with me, dammit. I can't leave you like this, shitty nerd." I try to keep a look of indifference, try not to show that his rejection could crush me, How much I knew I needed him. I see the hint of a smile creep to his face, before he pushes it away. He's never been one to hide his smile, so this makes me frown slightly. He looks hesitant, but accepts my hand. As soon as he's on his feet, he stumbles almost loosing his balance. "fuck" he mutters, clenching his eyes shut. 

I roll my eyes before chuckling, "Damn, deku. How much did you fucking drink?" He groans at my question, and leans further into me for support. Realizing we won't make it very far with him being like this, I instruct him to hang on and swoop him up into my arms. He squeaks in surprise, arms tightening around my neck. I start to head towards the door, before he lets out a panicked "wait! wait! I have to t-tell uraraka, so she doesn't worry!" I groan in annoyance, that round-faced extra is still around? I pull his phone out of his back pocket, handing it to him. A blush is covering his face as he looks at me, ignoring the look he gives me I grunt out, "cell phones are a thing, loser. Text her, we're leaving." and with that, I turn and head towards the door once again. Izuku is silent as I carry him to my car. I can't help but admire him. He's just as gorgeous as he was back then... but, there's something different about him. I can't help but feel something isn't right with him. Despite not seeing each other for a few years, I've always been able to read deku like a book. I could always tell how he's feeling. 

But now? It seems impossible. Something's up, and this time... I'll do this right. I'll take care of him and show him that I do care about him. That is, if he can forgive me for everything i've done. I'm interested to be able to talk to him and find out more about his life now.. Where does he work? Who are his friends? How is his mom doing? Does he have a boyfriend...? I reach into the pocket of my jeans, and pull out my keys, unlocking the car and carefully lowering deku into the passanger seat. He seems almost asleep as I reach over to buckle him in. I brush his green curls out of his face gently, letting my hand linger for a moment before retracting my hand and quietly shutting the door. I get in and start the car, humming along the song playing on the radio. I try to focus on the road, and not the sleeping angel next to me. If anyone knew how fond I was of him, I'd never hear the end of it.

Only he can do this to me, he always has. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! x  
> I hope everyone's enjoying so far. I'm going to try my best to update as frequent as possible, and chapters WILL get longer eventually. If there's anything you guys would like to see, let me know! I'm totally open to suggestions!


	3. Chapter 3

Izuku Pov 

I don’t want to open my eyes yet. I let a soft groan escape past my lips, and enjoy the warmth of the suns rays coming in through the window. It’s warm, welcoming.. I don’t normally leave my curtains open, drunk me was really looking out. I stretch my arms out, smiling softly at the feeling of sheets underneath me. I peak one eye open, the hint of a smile resting on my face. 

Wait, what? I snap my eyes open and fling myself into a sitting position. This… is definitely NOT my room. White sheets pool at my waist, and that’s when I notice that i’m not wearing my shirt from last night, in fact, this isn't my shirt. My eyes scan the rest of the room, taking in my surroundings. What happened last night? I close my eyes again and try to think of the events of last night… okay, drinking with uraraka… dancing… dancing with..? OH… oooohhhhh. Okay, cool. That’s no problem.. I’m just in my childhood bully’s bed… it’s totally fine. 

I slip out of the bed, feet slowly hitting the cold hardwood beneath me. A chill runs up my spine at the feeling. It’s such a drastic contrast to the sun pouring in through the window. I close my eyes again, and take in the sounds around me. I hear birds chirping sweet songs, muffled by the closed glass of the window. I hear the faint sound of pots and pans. Kachaan must be making himself breakfast. 

I argue with myself for a few minutes. Half of me wonders if I should just climb out of the window… I mean, that would save a lot of awkward conversation. What if kachaan just brought me home so he could yell about how much his hatred has grown for me over the years? What if he yells at me about things I already know? 

I shake my head, forcing the thoughts away. No, I need to give this a chance. I need to stay positive, maybe things have changed. Maybe, he’s changed. I inhale a shaky breath, tucking a loose curl behind my ear. My hair’s gotten long, too long. My ex always liked my hair like this, so I tried to keep it managed.. To stop the memories from flooding in. To stop them from pulling me under, and drowning me all over again. I won’t think about him.. I won’t think about the way everything changed. 

The positive side of me mumbles that it just proves that people can change! However, the rationality sinks in and reminds me that we’ve only witnessed change happening for the worst. Kachaan has always been different, though. Always accepting any challenge, never backing down from a fight. Maybe, I should allow myself to believe this will all turn out okay. Maybe, it won’t blow up in my face. 

I force myself towards the door, with a slight push it creaks open. The smell of breakfast wafts through the air, making my mouth water. I follow the smell down the twisted hallway, This house is beautiful. The Walls and ceilings seem to go on forever, painted in a dainty white. It’s much larger than my small apartment that I share with Uraraka. I should really text her to let her know i’m okay. Later, now… I need to face kachaan. 

I make it to the kitchen, and I lay eyes on a tan, muscled back. Arms flexing as they stir mindlessly at something on the stove. The sight is heavenly. It awakes something in me that I didn’t know I could feel. I would’ve stood there quietly forever,admiring the work of art in front of me, if I wasn’t such a clutz. I bump into the refrigerator, causing a rattling sound to bounce around the room. Kachaan whips his head around, rolling his eyes when he realizes it’s me. He must be disappointed that I didn’t just leave quietly… That out the window idea is sounding more and more appealing as the seconds tick by. 

“Morning, nerd” he grunts out, turning back to the stove. I stutter out a good morning, before moving more into the kitchen. He doesn’t say anything else, and a silence falls over us. The sound of eggs cooking in a pan filling the empty space. My heart is still hammering in my chest, and I'm not sure if I should be the one to speak first. 

“Hope you like eggs, Deku. I don’t have a lot here.. Haven’t made it to the store, yet.” he mutters out casually. He runs a hand over the back of his neck, gripping gently. Hm, weird. That was a habit that kachaan had when we were younger, when he was nervous. It was something I had found endearing about him. I can’t take my eyes off of him as I reply shakily, “eggs are great, k-kachaan… thank you. Um, thanks for bringing me here, last night. I-... You really didn’t h-have to.” 

His grip on the spatual tightens before he slams it down, and turns off the stove. He whips around to face me, Red eyes almost unreadable. My thoughts are clouded with images of roses, blood, and glowing traffic lights. He takes my breath away with just one look. I’m so distracted that I almost miss it when he speaks. “Of course I did, are you fucking dense? What else would I have done, huh? Left you there that way? Pft, right. You would think that, Deku.” he spits out. I can tell he’s trying to sound as venomous as possible, but I see the corner of his mouth twitch upwards. 

It puts me at ease to know he’s not angry with me. I smile, a small nervous smile. I still don’t know what to make of all of this. “Right, sure.. Thanks, kachaan.” 

With another roll of his eyes, He turns back around, grabbing two plates from the cabinet above before loading a pile of eggs on to each. He turns around, gesturing to the table with his eyes. I follow him over and sit where he’s placed one of the plates. He puts a small cup of coffee in front of me, the steam rising and making me sigh happily. I picked up the mug, wrapping my hands around it and brought it up to my lips to take a sip. I let out a hum of surprise when it was made perfectly, exactly how I like my coffee. 

I raised my eyes to see kachaan watching me carefully, his hand had returned to the back of his neck and he smiled lightly. “I tried to make it the way I remembered you liked it in high school… I hope it’s okay?” he asked, almost nervously. Kachaan, nervous? That’s new. My smile stretched even further, “it’s PERFECT, thank you!!! I can’t believe you r-remember that..” I noted gently. I could have sworn I saw a blush fan across his cheeks, but he quickly turned around and grabbed his own cup from the counter. 

“Yeah” he mumbled, “sure, deku… of course I remember.” 

I hid my smile behind my cup, basking in the presence that is Bakugou Katsuki. He had this thing about him that reminded me of the pull of the earth. I couldn’t help but feel drawn to him, an irresistible pull… like I was made to be in his orbit. Just a speck of dust in the galaxy, so unimportant to him, or his life. But, he looked at me like I was the sun. Like he needed me. 

And for the first time in a while, I felt my heart yearn. I could feel a crack ripple through the walls I had built so high, for so long. Maybe, I was okay with that. "But you’ll get hurt, again. All they ever do is hurt you", My mind mumbled cynically. It’s true. Everyone that had ever told me they loved me, had hurt me. 

And maybe that’s my problem.. Maybe, I can’t think of love without thinking of pain. Maybe I can’t trust because when I try, to just give the slightest piece of myself… to reveal the smallest bit of truth, it’s crushed. Disregarded. 

But the way he’s staring at me, blushing into morning coffee, soggy eggs sitting on a messy table… I think that, maybe… just maybe, I would risk it all to know what it feels like to really, truly love again. To be loved by him, To let those feelings I felt for him in my earlier youth leak out into the open. 

I can’t pretend that being near him doesn’t make my skin burn, begging for his touch, for his attention. But i also can’t forget the things he said to me. Words that still bounce around my head, making their home in my bones, reminding me that I'll never be enough. Telling me that the world would be better off. And I feel deep down, that he was right. I have since the day he spit those words.   
There is something so different about him now, though. He’s older, wiser, and he has this gentle side hidden behind his sharp display. I want to get through that harder exterior and see what he’s really like underneath. It had been so long since I had seen this side of him, always hidden away within the deepest parts of himself. He never wanted to seem soft or weak. 

Somewhere along the way, I guess he had decided that those two things were connected. He didn’t understand that you could be gentle and strong. 

I stared into those eyes, feeling the familiar pull of him. I smiled lightly, and when he turned to meet my gaze. He smiled back. 

And my world would never be the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this update! Thanks so much for reading!  
> who do we think of izuku mentioning his ex? who could it be? ;)   
> Comment your thoughts below!


	4. chapter 4

Izuku POV

The conversation was easy and light for the remainder of the morning. Kachaan told me about his life now, and what things had changed since we last saw each other. At only 24 years old, Kachaan owns a very successful restaurant that has a few chains around different states. That explains the house, and the nice car… 

He speaks softly, clearly passionate about what he does. It’s nice to know that he held onto his passionate personality. It was one of the things I admired most about him back then, it’s just as endearing now. He asked me questions about my life, and he listened intently as I spoke. He seemed to hang on to every word, nodding along to show he was listening. I told him about the small music store I worked in. It was nothing special, just a small family owned shop that sold used or new instruments, along with some vinyl records, and other basic things you would find in any music store.

Music always spoke to me in a way that nothing else ever did. When my hands melted into the keys of a piano, or plucked at the string of a guitar all of my problems melted away. The only thing that mattered when I played music was the soft song lingering in the air. I loved how music made people feel something. Something that  _ mattered. _

It was easy to get lost in the fast, never ending movement of life. So, I liked the way music gave an outlet for so many people. I didn’t realize I was mumbling all of this out loud, but when Kachaan let out a soft chuckle, I snapped my mouth shut. The heat rose to my cheeks as I tucked my face into my arms with a groan. “Still mumbling, huh Deku?” Kachaan smirked. 

I nodded, shyly. It was one habit I really couldn’t break. 

He laughed again, before looking down at his watch. “Shit, um… I’m late. Can I drive you home? I have some meetings to attend to today..” I tried to hide my disappointment, but I knew this would have to end sooner or later. Reality continues, no matter the will or wish. 

He must have noticed my sudden change in mood before he added, “But, I’ll see you Friday night when I pick you up for dinner.” 

I choked on air, spluttering out an agreement. Gosh, if I didn’t stop blushing soon I think my skin would never return to its natural color. He smiled before reaching a hand out to me. “Cmon, let’s get going.” 

We walked out to his car, and seeing it in the daylight made me realize how nice it truly was. It was a shiny black ferrari, with a blacked out interior. I don't know much about cars… But I could tell this was very expensive. I don’t even feel worthy of riding in it. I looked at Kachaan in confusion when he walked around to the passenger side of the car with me. Ignoring my look, he opened the door and gestured for me to crawl inside. I crawled in eagerly and flashed him a bright smile as he shut the door. He slid in to his side of the car, before starting it up and driving down the long drive way. 

There's so much I still want, no, need to know about last night. Did we... sleep together? Did he dress me in his shirt? What happened? 

I took a deep breath, here goes nothing... "k-Kachaan...?" 

His eyes flicked to me for a brief moment then returned back to the road. He didn't say anything, but grunted to let me know he heard me. 

"u-um, I was w-wondering... well, what happened... last night?" I asked nervously. My hands twisted together anxiously, fingers knotting between each other to try to hide the slight shake. I look over at him again, he stared straight ahead at the road. His lips twitched upwards in a smirk that was almost sinful. _Oh, those lips. I wonder what they'd feel like against my own... or maybe around m-_

"What do you think happened, i-zu-ku?" he spoke teasingly. Almost like he knew what I was thinking just now. I blushed a deep crimson, snapping my eyes away from where they still lingered on his plump lips. He was playing with me, knowing that he could get a reaction out of me. I wanted to say I wouldn't give him the satisfaction... but I was putty in his presence. Completely willing to do whatever it was that he wanted. 

This terrified me. It had only been a day, and he already had this effect on me? Ugh, i'm really in trouble. 

"Hm? Earth to Deku? What do you _think?_ " he kept that stupid smirk on his face. His eyes finally flicking over to me. 

"I-i-i... I don't, um, I don't know, Kachaan..." I stuttered over my words, cursing myself internally. _Get it together._

"I'm only joking, nerd. I carried you inside because your drunk ass couldn't even stand anymore. I gave you water and Tylenol, changed your vodka stained shirt and put you in my bed. I wouldn't take advantage of you that way, the fact that you think otherwise pisses me off, dammit." His face hardened and his eyes focused more on the road, hands gripping tightly at the wheel. 

I lowered my gaze to the floor, he's right. I shouldn't have expected that of Kachaan. He may have been kinda mean during our younger days, but he had values and above all, he was always a protector. Even over me, someone he had _claimed_ to hate. 

"Right, i'm sorry. I don't expect that of you, I just... i'm not very trusting in general, I guess.." I mumble. 

He looks at me, a frown present on his face. It makes something in my chest ache. I never want to see him frown again.. before I can apologize, he says something that really makes me think. 

"You've changed somehow, Deku. It worries me. There's something different about you. Something that feels... sad, lonely almost. I hope that you can tell me about it one day." he offers me a small smile. 

I guess he really could see right through me. In that moment I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to tell him how I loved him back then and how I was devastated when he moved away after graduation without saying goodbye. I wanted to tell him that I forgive him for everything he did back then, all of the mean things he said. I wanted to tell him about Shoto, and everything he did to me too. I wanted to let him know that I was broken, but still able to be here for him and I wanted to beg him not to push me away again. 

But, I couldn't. Not yet, anyways.. I needed to be sure that this was real. That this wasn't just another cruel trick life was sending my way. Uraraka would have scolded me for thinking that way. She would have lectured me on the way that all mistakes are lessons to be learned, and that life has a plan, blah blah blah, whatever. 

Looking at him, mumble along to the radio, his eyes scanning the road ahead diligently, the way his blonde hair fell messily around his face... I knew I didn't _care_ if this was a trick. I was going to enjoy every moment, no matter the consequence. Maybe I needed to put my faith in him. 

"Hey, you shitty nerd! Why isn't your fucking seatbelt on, you goddamn dumbass! what the HELL!?" kachaan yelled at me. I laughed loudly before pulling the belt across my chest to buckle it in. The rest of the ride was spent listening to kachaan lecture me about the safety of seat belts. I smiled fondly the entire time. I could get used to this. 

When we finally pulled in front of the apartment complex that I lived in, I had given kachaan the address on the way, He pulled his car into a spot close to the front doors. He turned to look at me as I unbuckled and gathered my things. "I'll see you friday, okay? Around 7. Don't be fucking late. I'll call you later." 

I smiled warmly, nodding my head in agreement. "Sure, thanks for the ride. See you soon!" 

I slipped out of the car and made my way towards my apartment. For the first time in a while, I was looking forward to something. I was happy, excited, and even a little nervous. Okay, a lot nervous. 

Let's hope uraraka isn't too mad about me bailing on her last night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone's having a good day!  
> What do we think of this chapter? Thank you so much for reading! x


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** speaks of past domestic abuse! Read at your own risk! **

**Katsuki Pov**

I watched Izuku head towards his building, waiting until he disappeared into the building before pulling out of the parking lot. 

I can't help but realize that everything is happening quickly. Well, on my end at least. Truthfully, I don't know how he's feeling. His agreement to our date on Friday is a good sign, but what if he just agreed to be polite? I don't think he would do that, but he _is_ the type to want to spare my feelings. 

But I can't ignore the way he reacted to my words, he blushed almost the entire time we were together. I just need to take this slowly. I need to keep my feelings under control.. The last thing I want to do is scare him off before anything can even happen. Some of the things he did last night in his intoxicated state worried me. He seemed willing to do anything I instructed him to do. Too willing. Like he was trained to be that way... like he _feared_ what might happen if he didn't oblige. 

I don't know what happened while we've been apart, but It didn't seem good. I wasn't going to force him to tell me, I didn't want to be like that anymore. I wanted to be someone he could rely on, someone he could be himself around. I don't want to beat myself up anymore for what I did to him, but it's hard... 

Sometimes I close my eyes and all I can see is him _crying_. His big, green eyes wet and glassy, trying desperately to blink the tears away. I see his plump lip wobbling, before it disappears between his teeth. I see him wringing his shaking hands together, trying to bring some sort of comfort to himself. 

I hate it. 

I hate that _I_ made him that way, and i never want to do that to him again. 

Hopefully I can get through these meetings today quickly. The sooner they're finished, the sooner i'll be able to talk to Deku. 

**Izuku Pov**

I almost skip to my apartment. I feel like i'm on cloud nine, and I never want to come down. Kachaan makes me feel so... warm. 

It's both exciting and terrifying. I didn't think I would ever be ready for this feeling again. 

I unlock the door, and step inside locking it behind me. I look around carefully, I was planning on escaping to my room. I wasn't quite ready to be lectured by Uraraka quite yet. For someone that is my best friend, she sure is able to instill that motherly type fear in me. I feel like i'm sneaking back into my childhood home after a night out with friends. 

I almost make it, my doorknob is literally _in my grasp._ I left out a sigh of relief, but I quickly realize that i've blown my own cover when I hear the sound of something hitting the floor, followed my heavy footsteps. I squeak in fear, trying desperately to get into the safety of my room. 

I gasp as I hit the floor, groaning at the slight pain rising up my back. I feel the weight of a body sitting on top of me and roll my eyes. Did she _seriously just tackle me to the floor? and she calls me dramatic._

"and just WHERE do you think you're GOING, mister?!" uraraka yells from above me. She glares, but has a playful smile on her lips. 

"Well, I thought I would go to my room. But, I guess that's not going to happen." I rolled my eyes at her again, she really is so over dramatic. 

"WHERE did you go last night? You sent me some half-assed text about going home with some GUY, don't wait up? What does that even MEAN? WHO?" she demanded. "and stop rolling your eyes at me!" 

"I don't know if I should teeeelll you, uraraka.. I don't know how you're going to feel about it.." I mumbled out. 

Her eyes widened, almost popping out of their sockets. It was hard not to laugh at her expression. In fact, in any other circumstance I probably would be rolling around on the floor laughing. The nerves took away whatever humor I could find in this situation, I feared her criticism the most... Truthfully, Uraraka is the last hope of "family" that I left. My mother passed a few years ago, and my dad left when I was very young. 

I missed my mother every day, and I hope that she would be proud of the person I've become. That's what keeps me going when things feel too hard, like I can't go on anymore. I know that she's somewhere, looking over me, and rooting me on. Her spirit and love continue to guide me, even if she isn't here physically to do so. Uraraka reminds me so much of my mother, maybe that's why she means even more to me now than ever before. 

"Izuku midoryia, please don't tell me... Don't you **dare** tell me, that you hooked up with your rotten, stupid, nasty ex boy-" 

"NO!" I interrupt her before she can finish. She raises an eyebrow, seeming to not believe me. "No, I-i wouldn't. You know I wouldn't... But jeez, uraraka don't talk about him like that..." 

She frowns. It's no secret that she isn't my ex's biggest fan, and truthfully i'm not either. But unfortunately, when you love someone... it doesn't just go away. As much as you can force it into the back of your mind, continue on with life doing your best to pretend that none of it every happened... the love will always be there. 

Shoto was amazing, in every way. He was kind, generous, he was shy but always knew how to make me laugh. He was a giver and protector... He stood up for what he believed in. And when he stood, he stood tall. 

Everything changed with the loss of his eldest brother, Touya. Touya had been gone for most of Shoto's childhood but when he came back into the picture, the two were almost inseparable. I knew the feeling of loss quite well, so I tried not to hold any of what happened against him. Grief is a mysterious thing, and it's never the same for each individual. When my mother passed, I mourned her quietly, throwing myself into music. I lost a lot of weight and became a little unhealthy, but it was Shoto and Uraraka who were there for me during that time to take care of me. I don't know where i'd be today without them... 

Shoto was the opposite. His mourning was loud, angry. He was so angry, so sad and he couldn't process these things. He denied therapy, he wouldn't talk to his family. He started drinking a lot, trying anything to drown his sorrows. He lost a part of himself when he lost his brother, and I did everything I could to mend that broken part of him. Sometimes, Some wounds just need _time_ and I tried desperately to tell him this. I tried to tell him that eventually, his world wouldn't feel like it was ending, and that one day he could smile at the memory of his brother. That everything would be okay. 

Everything got progressively worse after our conversation. He would stay out late, coming home at late hours of the night, drunk and stumbling around. He became increasingly aggressive, and extremely possessive. He forbid me from seeing my friends, he didn't even want me to go to work. He would say such awful things to me, things that were even worse than i'd heard when I was bullied in school. It made me miss kachaan... Though I wouldn't have dared to tell anyone.

He hit me, more than once. He came home, I was talking to uraraka on the phone. He was so angry that I was talking to someone else, even if it was just uraraka. 

It was like he blacked out with rage, His heterochromatic eyes darkening in anger. His fists clenching so tightly, His veins protruded in his arms. I had never seen him this way before, and I was scared. I never expected him to lay a hand upon me though. Not my gentle, loving, sweet Shoto. My eyes were black for weeks... But I knew he didn't mean it. I knew it wasn't Shoto, but his grief speaking through him. I had to be patient.

He was so ashamed of himself after that happened. He couldn't bear to even _look_ at me anymore. I begged him, pleaded him to just talk to me. To help me, help him. He ignored me, pretended I didn't even _exist_. He walked right past me, and out the door. 

He didn't return for hours. It was around 2:30 in the morning when I heard the door to our apartment open, so I jumped out of our shared bed to greet him. I had waited up for him like I did every time he went out. 

That's when I really broke. 

He had brought someone back with him, a girl, nonetheless. He was kissing her, his back facing me as he had her pressed firmly against the door. Shoto was gay, completely. So I wondered why he was doing this... to hurt me? To make me leave? I couldn't do this anymore. It had been this way for a year. I struggled with him every day, I tried everything to help. 

The girl must have noticed my presence, because she gasped and wiggled herself from his grasp. She whispered something into his ear, before he turned around to face me. 

His face quickly turned cynical, a cold smile breaking across his face at the sight of my tears. He walked towards me, snatching my head up towards him by my chin. His fingers gripped my face tightly, sure to leave bruises. 

"I never loved you" he spit, venomously. "I should've listened all those years ago when they told me you were worthless, Deku." 

He threw me to the floor, my head smacked the wood with a loud bang. White spots clouded my vision, and my body was on fire. I heard the sound of a door shutting, and figured the mystery girl had excused herself, not wanting to bare witness to my beating. At least she had _some_ decency, I had thought cynically. 

I don't remember much of that night. I remember Shoto kicking my ribs and stomach as I was on the ground... I remember him Shouting about how he hated me, how he hated himself. He was so angry. I remember my head pounding, as I just took the beating. I didn't fight back. I would never hurt him that way. 

I remember him leaning down, and kissing my head. Muttering how sorry he was as he called an ambulance. And then, everything was black. 

I woke up in a hospital, with Uraraka next to me. She said she would never let Shoto hurt me again. I should've been relieved... But, all I could do was cry. 

I missed him. 

I shook my head, clearing myself of the flashback. Uraraka was still sitting on top of me, eyes worried and frown evident on her face. I offered her a smile before gently pushed her off of me. 

"It was kachaan... he's so, different. So kind." i said softly. 

"Izuku, I can see that you want this to work. But I just... I worry.. I don't want anything bad to happen to you again. Bakugo was so mean to you in school, what makes you think he's really changed?" 

I expected her hesitation, it wasn't a surprise that she would be worried. And honestly, I shared her concerns. But I had this feeling inside, that everything was going to end up okay. 

"You'll just have to trust me" I offered gently. I stood up, pulling her with me, before wrapping her in a bone crushing hug. She returned the intensity, sighing before nodding her head against my shoulder. 

"alright, fine... but I want to talk to him. Invite him over for dinner, tomorrow. And he better come, dammit!" She made her way towards to the kitchen. 

I smiled fondly at her retreating figure. I swear a piece of my mother lives in her, the two were pretty close when she passed. Uraraka took it almost as hard as I did. 

"well, cmon, zuku! I'll make us lunch!" she cheered happily from the kitchen. 

I sighed happily, skipping to the kitchen. 

That wasn't as hard as I had expected it to be. 

I wonder what Kachaan will say about having dinner here. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, it's so hard to write shoto as being someone mean!  
> Maybe he'll find redemption later on in the story ;)   
>  I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! x


	6. chapter 6

**Katsuki Pov**

I glared at the shitty haired mess in front of me, fucking annoying ass. I swear his only joy in life is pissing me off, nothing makes him happier. Asshat. 

“C’mooooon, BakuBro! I can tell something’s up. You  _ smiled  _ when you came in! You’re not sick are you?” Shitty hair thrust his hands to my forehead, feeling for a fever. If looks could kill, he would’ve dropped dead ten times over by now. 

“Get your nasty fucking hands off of me, you Goddamn NUISANCE! No, I'm not sick. Why the fuck would you even- ugh. Fine, Sit down.” I rolled my eyes at his hopefully expression. As much as he pissed me off, He was my best friend. Although, I would never admit it to the stupid fucker, he mattered a lot to me. 

I told him everything that happened last night with Deku, the plans that we made for later this week, and I told him how I was honestly feeling. It felt good to release honest emotions without hiding behind my typical “tough guy act.” That’s what Kirishima and Raccoon eyes call it. Stupid fucks. 

Shitty hair knew about my complicated history with Deku, the truth has a way of coming out around Kirishima. Asshole. He knew how everything that happened in the past tormented me, and made me resent myself. 

He knew that I never lost my feelings for Deku, no matter how hard I tried to push them aside and pretend that they never existed in the first place. I was 24 now, successful. I had money, I had a nice house, a fucking awesome car… People threw themselves at me all the time. But I could never bring myself to have anything serious with anyone. 

As much as i’d love to pretend it had nothing to do with fucking Izuku, it had everything to do with him. I had never felt anything even remotely close to how he made me feel. He made me feel strong, like I could do anything. Like I  _ would _ do anything for him. 

He lit a fire in me all those years ago, and it just never went out. It’s burned brightly, angrily in my chest… and when something would remind me of him, like the color of green leaves after a rainstorm, Or a soft, shitty song that would play on the radio that I knew he’d like… It felt like I was choking on embers, ashes filled my lungs, and I couldn’t  _ breathe _ . 

For a while, I was angry with him. I was angry that he lit this fire in me, and didn't bother to put it out. He did this to me, and even though he didn’t know it, He left me completely different from the way he found me. He changed me, in a good way. I wanted to be better, and so I built this life. I built it for myself, of course. But I wanted to make sure that if Deku and I ever found our way back to each other one day, I could give him the life he deserved. 

“This is great news, Bakugo!! I can’t wait to finally meet the guy that has kept your heart hostage all of these years. I mean, jeez I can’t wait to hear how you were in highsch-” 

“Oh, absolutely the fuck NOT, shitty hair! I’m not letting you scare him off. I’m taking my time with this. Don’t fucking medle!” I glared at him in warning. He knew better than to push this subject too far. Always a little sensitive about izuku.  _ Or a lot of bit… what the hell ever.  _

“Fine, Fine” he sighed, but I could tell by his tone that he wasn’t going to give up on this conversation. I would let them meet, just not yet. 

I finished my final meeting of the day, gathering my things and heading back to the car. Kirishima climbed into the passenger seat, groaning as he sank down into the leather. “Fuuuuuck, i’m so glad that’s over! I don’t think I could talk about produce, or importing sauces, or any other restaurant related thing, for one more minute! I’m drained. Why did I agree to work with you again?” 

I glared at him as I put the key into the ignition, listening to the engine come to life. “Hey, you won’t be complaining when that bonus slips into your bank account, now will you?” I hear him mutter his agreeance under his breath, before he reaches over to turn up the radio. Kirishima was a chef at my restaurant, the one in the heart of the city. It felt weird to have my friend work so much lower than me in my company, and he was constantly busting his ass to create new recipes and bring in more business. I offered him a share of the company to be my partner. It was nice to have someone I trusted to help me out, anyways. 

The ride home was quiet, a comfortable silence fell over the car. I was thankful for the lack of chatter, I really was worn out from the meetings. These product companies really were the worst, robotic sounding fuckers on the planet. It was necessary to meet with them to make sure everything was in order, and to discuss shipments and supplies. 

The silence was interrupted by my phone ringing. I answered it, without checking the caller Id. My phone was connected to the bluetooth speaker, so the call echoed through the car. 

“What?” I snapped to the caller.I was in no mood to talk more shit with shitty fucking extras. My patience for the day was almost nonexistent at this point, This was not on the list of things I particularly cared to have interest in for the rest of the day.  That is, until I realized who it was on the other line. 

“O-oh, um… Hi, kachaan! Sorry to bother you, um well.. Uh…. hi.” 

I recognized that adorable nervousness, and immediately snapped my attention to the call. Oh gosh, idiot.  _ Check the fucking caller Id, Moron,  _ I mentally scolded myself. Kirishima let out a quiet chuckle next to me, watching in amusement at my panicked expression. I gave him a pointed look, warning him to be quiet during the call without actually ordering him audibly. He held up his hands in surrender before turning to face the window, as if to show he wasn’t listening. Yeah, right. As if the nosy bastard could have that much self control. It was nice he tried to humor me though, I guess.

“Hey, deku! Sorry, didn’t check to see who was calling. What’s up? I wasn’t expecting a call from you.” I tried to push away the exhaustion and sound as warm as possible. I was happy to hear from him regardless, and I could feel the tension roll from my shoulders at just the sound of his soft voice.  _ Angelic _ . 

“W-well, I hadn’t planned on calling so soon, I know you’ve been busy today! But um, Uraraka, you remember her right? She demanded that I invite you over for dinner at our place tonight. I mean, if that’s okay… if you’re not too busy. Which, I completely understand if you are or even if you just don’t want to, I mean, We did  _ just  _ see each other this morning, haha, I just wanted to ask bec-” 

There he goes mumbling again. I don’t know how I ever thought this was annoying. It’s the cutest thing ever now. Younger me was a complete idiot. Still Though, I should really stop him. Kirishima is stifling his laughter with his hand, amusement clear on his face. I shot him the nastiest look I Could pull while also hiding my own amusement, Just as I opened my mouth to tell Deku It was okay, he could stop his rambling, A shrill yell sounded through the other side of the phone. It sounded _oddly familiar_ _..._

“IZUKU, YOU’RE MUMBLING AGAIN. GIVE ME THE PHONE! No, juST GIMME!” 

I heard some rustling along with a small shriek, and a loud thump. I raised my eyebrow, eyes darting over to Kirishima in question. He returned my look but still looked like he could burst into laughter at any moment. How helpful. I rolled my eyes. 

“Uh, everything okay there, Deku?” I asked cautiously. I waited a moment, ready to ask again before a different voice came through the speaker. 

“Why hello there, tall, blonde and handsome. This is uraraka speaking. I’m demanding that you come over to our apartment tonight for dinner, I will not take no for an answer so please, don’t bore me with excuses! I was deemed fill in mother, by Inko’s own request, so I need to do the full run down. You know the drill, awkward dinner, talks of intentions, blah blah. Okay, see you later! Bye!” 

I stared wide eyed at the phone, lightly blushing at the greeting. Did she really just? Did that round faced extra just tell me what to do? I wanted to laugh. But I also knew how important she was to Izuku, and I appreciated her for looking out for him. She always had, even in highschool. I can't count how many times she came running to his aid as I yelled and Berated him. I cringed at the memory, shaking it from my mind. As much as she annoyed me, I had respect for her and I would do whatever I could to make her feel comfortable about dating Deku. I mean, not that we were dating…. Or that he even mentioned dating. But, fuck. Whatever. 

I could hear deku whining in the background, telling Uraraka how rude she was and how she could’ve been nicer about it. I could hear her laughing loudly at him, telling him to worry about it. Their arguing ensued, Izuku's little voice trying his best to convince her to give his phone back and Uraraka not budging even slightly. _Cute._ I could only imagine how he looked right now.. Face unbelievably red, freckles completely hidden underneath his scarlet cheeks. Eyes wide in embarrassment, little hands shaking and pushing long, loose curls behind his ears. His hair had gotten so long, I wonder if he ever threw it up into a little bun. My heart constricted at the thought, I don't know if I could handle him becoming even more adorable. 

My heart fluttered. He was just so…  _ perfect.  _

“Alright, i’ll see you around 8. Be nice to my Deku, round face. He’s sensitive.” I chuckled, listening as izuku let out another embarrassed shriek. Kirishima couldn’t hold back his laughter anymore, a choked laugh escaped him before he smacked his hand back over his mouth. 

He looked at me sheepishly, mouthing an apology. I glared at him for probably the hundredth time, eyes squinting at him. Idiot. 

“Heeeeey? Who was that?” Uraraka questioned. Gosh, she’s still just as nosy. I bet her and shitty hair would make fantastic friends. 

“That... Would be Kirishima, one of my business partners." Kirishima interrupted me, yelling out that we were best friends, not just business partners. _Fucking nerd._

"You’ll have to  _ excuse his incompetence.”  _ I smirked, flicking my eyes over to him, his face blending in with the color of his hair. 

“I am not incompetent, you cocky bastard.” Kirishima defended, returning my glare. 

“Oooo.. I like his spunk, bring him with you to dinner! See both of you later, say bye Izuku! I’m hanging up now!” Uraraka spoke excitedly. 

I could see shitty hair grinning from ear to ear without even moving my eyes to him, He got his way after all. Fuck. I heard izuku sigh, obviously giving up before yelling out a quick “Bye Kachaan!” before the phone clicked, signaling that the call had ended. The music that had been playing resumed. I sighed, well that was... something. 

I finally looked back at Kirishima, he was still smiling. I groaned in annoyance. 

“NO embarrassing stories, got it?” I questioned harshly. He nodded quickly, his smile somehow growing even wider. 

  
  


Hopefully, this went well. I don’t know what I’d do if it didn’t honestly. 

It made sense to me that Uraraka was motherly over Deku. I had heard the news of Auntie Inko passing shortly  _ after _ the funeral. I moved after graduating high school, so news didn't travel as fast. I guess my parents were so busy helping Izuku organize the funeral, that they didn't rememeber to call me until it was too late. Maybe Izuku asked them not too... Who knows. I wanted to reach out and be there for Deku but… I wasn’t sure how. Or if that would even be something he wanted. I wasn't even sure if I _could_ help. This emotions thing is still new to me. 

I’m in a much better place in my own life now, and I know I can take care of Izuku. I want to make up for all of the times I should have been there. Don't get me wrong, I know Izuku can take care of himself. He’s always been strong, independent… and definitely stubborn. He’s always worked hard to take care of himself and his family. He paid for majority of Auntie Inko’s hospital bills when she had fallen ill. 

Izuku had so many odd jobs during high school to raise enough to be able to pay them off  _ and  _ afford rent. Of course my way of helping him back then was making fun of him and making him feel even worse about himself. I would tease him about how much of a mess he looked. He was always so _tired_. Making fun of him was my twisted way of trying to make sure he was okay. 

I was just a charmer, wasn’t I? 

It was no secret to me that Uraraka wasn’t my biggest fan because of the way I treated Izuku in school… I mean, _i'm_ not my biggest fan because of it.. but the fact that she was willing to give me another chance meant that she saw something in me that she deemed worthy of Izuku. 

And I was going to do everything in my power not to betray that trust. 

  
  


It was just after 6:30, now. We were almost back to my house, so we would have some time to get ready before heading to Deku’s apartment. 

Kirishima chuckled and turned back towards the window, slowly shaking his head as he did. 

  
  


“What?” I snapped, still annoyed by him getting his way. Annoying bitch. 

“Oh, nothing, nothing… just the fact that you’re so head over heels for Izuku. Never quite seen you this way, it’s nice.” he smiled fondly. 

“Yeah, whatever. Loser.” I looked away, and focused my attention on pulling into the driveway of my home. The gates closed themselves as I drove through. 

He was right though, I was head over heels for izuku. Completely and utterly, infatuated with him. 

And I was ready to face these feelings head on. No more running. 

Bring it on, Ochacho. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!   
> I think I may start posting a song for some chapters. I listen to music while I write so sometimes I feel like the song enhances the story. :) 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this update and are liking the story so far! I love Uraraka and Izuku's friendship so much! I know everything is moving a little slow right now, I promise things will start to get more intense soon. x


	7. chapter 7

**Izuku POV**

I think if my eyes narrowed anymore, they’d be permanently stuck that way. I forced all of my annoyance into a single glare, and I didn’t hold back when I directed it at Uraraka. 

She released her hold of me, rolling off of me to lay on the ground next to me. She smiled innocently and placed my phone back into my hand with a light smack. 

“Now, what’s that look for? I got him to agree, didn’t I?” 

I huffed, rolling my eyes.  _ More like bullied him into agreeing and leaving him with no choice… but, I digress.  _

Her chocolate colored eyes flicked over to the clock hanging on the wall above the stove, now slightly crooked from our small wrestling match. I’m not sure if I was proud of her for being so strong, or embarrassed that she could completely kick my ass. Definitely embarrassed. Especially knowing that Kachaan heard everything. Ughhhh. Kill me. 

“Well, it’s almost 6:30 now, guess I should get to cooking dinner. I’m interested to see how Bakugo is now. Why don’t you go… clean yourself up, huh? You look a mess” she stood from her place next to me on the floor, brushing herself off before offering a hand to help me up from the floor. 

I grunted in response, closing my eyes and rolling on to my stomach away from her touch. I threw my arms out dramatically, sighing as they smacked against the cool tile floor of the kitchen. 

“No, go away. Leave me alone to  _ die”  _

My speech was muffled due to my face being pressed against the floor, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. All I wanted to do was lay in my puddle of embarrassment, and melt into the floor. Judging by the laugh that rumbled in her throat, I knew Uraraka heard me. 

She nudged me with her foot, no doubt trying not to roll her eyes at the lump of dramatics before her. “Cmon, you big baby, get UP. Shower. Put on some clean clothes. GeT OUT oF mY KiTcHen!” She finishes her sentence with a shriek. 

I rose to my feet, reluctantly. “Fine” I mumbled. I drug my sock clad feet across the floor, shoulders slumped as I made my way from the kitchen. As I walked towards the bathroom, I called over my shoulder “but I'm wearing a T-shirt, and you can’t stop me!!!” 

I heard Uraraka yell her objections at me as I shut the door quickly. 

Time seemed to drag on as I waited for Kachaan and his friend to arrive. After finishing my shower, I decided to go ahead and get dressed. I decided to wear a pair of black ripped jeans and an oversized, faded All Mite superhero t-shirt. I slipped on a new pair of socks, these ones had little sushi’s all over them. Uraraka had gotten them for me a few Christmases ago. 

I decided to mess around with my guitar to help the time pass by. I grabbed it from its place next to my bed, I ran my hands along the smooth wood, smiling softly at the feeling. I played a few random chords to warm up my hands before practicing some new songs, along with some older ones i’ve known for a while. 

I could feel every worry slip away as my fingers plucked melodiously at the strings. Time didn’t exist to me when I played music. 

I must have lost track of time completely though, because I was singing along softly to cherry wine, a song by Hozier. My eyelashes rested against my cheeks, shoulders slightly swaying along to the soft sounds being produced by the strings. I finished the song, jumping in surprise when I heard a loud clap sound from my bedroom door. 

I snapped my eyes open to see Uraraka had been the one clapping, standing in my doorway with a proud smile on her face. Normally, I don’t mind her sneaking up on me like this, I know she enjoys when I play music and sing. But my face quickly heated when I realized that she wasn’t alone. 

Kachaan leaned cooly against the wall, a small smirk present on his face. He had this twinkle in his crimson eyes, something I couldn’t quite read. I don’t think he’s ever looked at me like this before, he seemed almost…  _ proud.  _

My eyes snapped from his steady gaze when a new voice sounded from behind them, that’s when I noticed the red haired man leaning from behind Kachaan to get a better look at me. 

“WOW! Bakubro, you didn’t tell me he was an  _ angel!  _ Well I guess technically, you did but you failed to mention he could si- Ow!” the red haired stranger was interrupted when kachaan smacked his arm and glared at him. 

I could have sworn I saw him blush, but he turned his attention to his friend and began to yell at him. Uraraka looked on, humorously. She let them argue for a few minutes, before clearing her throat and raising an eyebrow expectantly. 

I rolled my eyes, standing to return my guitar to its normal spot. This was definitely going to be an interesting evening. 

Kachaan cleared his throat, before speaking. “Right, this shitty haired asshole is Kirishima. Kirishima, you’ve met Round face already.” his eyes turned from the pair next to him, landing on mine again and My knees felt weak under me. 

He’s just so…  _ ugh. So pretty, so handsome.  _

“This is Deku.” He spoke, clearly annoyed that he was having to play nice. I rolled my eyes, what a proper introduction.

“Actually, my name is Izuku Midoriya. Deku is a nickname. It’s nice to meet you!” I flashed him a smile. 

“Nice to meet you too, Midoriya.” Kirishima smiled brightly, before glancing over to kachaan with a mischievous glint in his eye. “I’ve heard  _ so much  _ about you.” 

Kachaan scowled at him, no doubt not approving of anyone knowing that he’d talked about me before. I would tease him more about it, but I didn’t want to overwhelm him anymore than he might already be. He could only take so much social contact, I knew he was probably already worn thin from his meetings today. I’d just have to tease him about it another time. 

I smiled again, softer this time, before turning to Uraraka. “So… is dinner ready?” 

  
  
  


**Katsuki Pov**

I didn’t know what I was expecting when Deku told me he played a few instruments, but it definitely wasn't what I had walked in on. His voice was so soft, yet had this beautiful rasp to it. He sang quietly, but luckily he was so lost in his movements, he didn’t notice all of us opening his door to admire him. 

I was wondering why Uraraka had shushed us immediately, and pushed us down the hallway. For once, I was happy that round face was so bossy. I might have missed possibly one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced. I couldn’t help but be proud of him, He was so talented. He really put so much passion into everything he did, and I admired him so much for that. 

Dinner went by relatively smoothly, considering the third degree I was receiving. Kirishima sure was getting a kick out of Ocacho grilling me about my life, my intentions, and how secure I was. All fair questions given the circumstances of her and Deku’s friendship. But I couldn’t help but feel annoyed by her prying questions. If deku wanted me, that should be enough. If I made him happy, and took care of him, that should be good enough for her. 

On the other hand, I was happy to know he had someone that cared about him as deeply as I did. Well, maybe she didn’t quite feel the way I did but… she loved him with an intensity that probably would’ve scared anyone else away. Not me, though. Nothing could deter me from being with him. 

The conversation gradually fell lighter after a while, Deku sipped a glass of wine from the bottle Kirishima and I brought along with us. His cheeks tinted pink from the alchol running through him, long hair thrown up into a lazy bun with little curls escaping and resting against his forehead. His viridescent eyes glassy, but filled to the brim with joy and comfort. 

This is what I wanted for him. 

Uraraka and Kirishima fell into conversation about the wine, Shitty hair nerding out about how it was one of the finest imports our restaurant offered. I nodded along in agreement, though I honestly had no idea. I didn’t drink. 

“Why aren’t you having a glass, Bakugo? Not up to your standard?” uraraka teased. 

I scoffed, looking at her before replying “I wouldn’t serve anything beneath me at my restaurant, dumbass. I just don’t drink.” 

I could tell she wanted to question it, her eyebrow raised and I could visibly see her biting her tongue. This was surprising, considering she had no problem asking me anything else throughout the evening. And according to Deku, she was very blunt. 

She hummed out a response, nodding softly before turning her head back to Shitty hair, starting up a new conversation. I couldn’t find it in me to give a damn what they were talking about. Fucking nerds. 

I turned my gaze back over to the angel that sat across from me, he was leaning his head into his open palm, arm resting on the table. His eyes bored into mine. I honestly thought he was spaced out, lost deep in thought. He was always going to another world in that beautiful mind of his, I doubted that much had changed about him. 

But then he smiled at me, flashing pearly teeth and dimples. Little freckles stretching over his cheeks, almost completely hidden under the rosiness of his skin. I was so caught up in his breathtaking smile that I almost missed him speak.  _ I really need to stop doing that _ , I thought to myself. 

“Hey, k-kachaan.. You wanna watch’a movie?” his eyes were hopeful. I don't think I could deny him even if I wanted to. I nodded wordlessly, returning his smile. He made a small noise of appreciation before jumping from his chair, snatching my arm on his way towards the living room. 

I tried not to blush at the contact, but this was so casual. Something about it seemed so… domestic, so natural. I loved his touch and how gentle it felt against my skin. I wanted nothing more than to pull him into my chest and hold him there. 

He pushed me down on the couch and he scrambled to the box under the Tv, mumbling something about finding the “perfect” movie. I knew that no matter what we watched, I wouldn’t be paying much attention. 

He put in some superhero movie, about a hero named All mite. The movie was obviously older and the fight scenes were a bit corny, but izuku was so excited. He had almost the entire movie memorized, and sometimes he talked along to some of the major lines.  _ Cute little nerd.  _ He kept scooting closer and closer, seemingly working himself up to getting near me. When he was close enough that our thighs were touching, he slowly laid his head down on my shoulder. 

  
  


I cooed at him as he nuzzled deeper into my shoulder, lifting my arm to wrap it around his shoulders. I couldn’t help but notice how small he was. My arm practically swallowed his little frame. Deku had always been a smaller person, and his mother was pretty small herself so… i’ll try not to worry too much. For now. 

Eventually, round face and shitty hair joined us in the living room. Uraraka rolled her eyes at the choice of movie but smiled fondly. She sighed before slinking down on the empty side of the couch by Deku’s feet. 

She looked over at him, snorting. Her eyes turned back to me, amusement pouring out of them. “He’s asleep,” she said. “He always falls asleep during movies, the wine didn’t help his case. Poor thing never stood a chance” she finished with a chuckle. She reached over and brushed a stray curl out his face before leaning back in her spot, facing the screen again. 

I looked down fondly at Izuku, he looked so peaceful. Long eyelashes rested against freckled cheeks, his plump lips parted slightly, as small breaths forced their way out. 

He really was so pretty. 

“Deku used to watch this all the time with his mom, I'm sure you remember his superhero stage Kachaan. His mom told me he refused to take of that stupid all mite cape for weeks” Round face laughed out. 

Now that she mentioned it, I did remember. He even wore it to school. The kids in our class teased him relentlessly for it, but he would just smile. He would say “Heroes don’t mind a few critics. But i’ll save the day with a smile!” and he’d run away laughing. I would chase after him, making sure the idiot didn’t run into traffic or anything. 

I nodded, letting her know I did remember. Of course I did. 

I looked to my left to see that Kirishima had also fallen asleep, way less peacefully then Deku. His head was leaned dangerously backwards over the arm of the chair, mouth wide open, snores rolling out into the air. I rolled my eyes, great. Now i’d have to deal with getting this drunken idiot home. 

It was quiet for a while, Uraraka and I being the only two conscious.  _ Light weights,  _ I thought amusingly. 

Uraraka broke the silence, with a gentle call of my name. I turned towards her, to notice that her normally playful expression had become very serious. She always looked… sad? 

Her eyes flicked down to the sleeping beauty in my arms, before lifting back to me. At some point, he had maneuvered his way to lay with his head in my lap, his legs outstretched to lay over uraraka. One hand was curled up into his chest, while the other was holding tightly to my forearm. She took in a shuttery breath before speaking. 

“Izuku, he's… fragile. He’s a little different than he was back then. Things have happened to him over these last few years. Obviously his mother dying took a huge toll on him, and it took him a while to come back from that. But, something else happened too.. I don't know what he’s told you. I don’t think it’s my place to spill details. So, I won’t… for his sake. But his last boyfriend, he hurt him really bad, Katsuki. He did things to Deku that he probably will never recover from. He hasn’t dated anyone else since then.” she sighed again, looking down at her lap. I listened intently, hanging on to every word. 

“Just… be gentle. I know how you treated him in the past, I was there. He can’t go through that again. I don’t know what else he can take, honestly. I can see that he obviously likes you and he’s developed a trust for you. Please, don’t break that trust.” 

She looked back up to meet my eyes, and I returned her gaze. It was intense, and I'm glad she told me everything. I just wish I could stop my heart from sinking, the possibilities of everything that his asshole of an ex did to him were swirling in my mind. I couldn’t think of that right now. When he was ready, he would tell me. 

I nodded at her, smiling the best I could with this new information fresh in my mind. 

“I won’t let him down… I won’t let either of you down” I spoke softly. 

I looked down at a sleeping Deku again, looking closer as I noticed a small scar under his eyebrow. It was white now, obviously a little old. I traced it lightly with my finger as I felt Uraraka’s eyes on me. I furrowed my eyebrows, this didn’t belong here. It wasn’t there before, not when we were kids… not even when we were in highschool. 

She sighed again, still watching me stare at the scar. “His last hospital trip” she mumbled sadly. “I was so afraid that day, the guilt still eats me alive. I should’ve been there, you know?” 

She sniffed, wiping her eyes quickly. 

“It wasn’t your fault, i’m sure of it. I’m even more sure Deku wouldn’t want you to think that way..” I smiled at her, hoping to sooth her somehow. I don’t think I could ever handle being in the situation she had been in. I pray I never had to. 

Deku picked that moment to start stirring around, eyelashes fluttering a bit before returning to rest again.

“I should get him into bed” she mumbled, lifting his feet gently, coming to move to wake him. 

“No, no. I got it, let him sleep. I'll carry him. Just, wake up that idiot over there for me.” 

I readjusted Deku in my arms, before standing and walking down the hall towards his room. I pushed the door open lightly, readjusting deku’s weight to rest more in one arm as I did so. I pulled back his covers, before sleeping him in gently. I covered him up, and brushed his hair out of his face. He shifted slightly, before cuddling up tighter into the blankets. 

I smiled softly at him. I don’t know what happened to him, or why. But I did know I would never let any harm come to him again. Not by me, or anyone else. I promised that to his sleeping form, and to myself in the quiet safety of his room. I took a deep breath, before turning to walk towards the door. 

With my hand on the know, I turned to the desk that was close to the door. There were a few pictures on it. Most of them in frames, but there was one that was peeking out under a pile of loose papers and music sheets. I couldn’t stop my hand from reaching for it, curiosity getting the best of me. 

In the photo, Deku appeared slightly younger than he was now. He was beaming at the camera, eyes squinted almost completely shut due to how hard he was smiling. He looked genuinely happy. It was an adorable photo of him, really. 

Next to him, with his arm slung over Deku’s, was someone I didn’t recognize. Half of his hair was white, the other half was a deep red. He had two different colored dyes, one was a stunning bright blue, while the other was a dull grey color. I couldn’t lie and say the guy wasn’t good looking. But what really caught me off guard was the way his lips were pressed to Deku’s cheek, in a seemingly sweet kiss. 

I wondered if this was his ex… It had to be. 

It made me wonder what went wrong. How did people go from so happy, to so… toxic. 

Having a face with the story didn’t make me feel any better. I had a feeling that the fact that Deku still had this photo, especially on his desk and not packed away, meant that this person still meant something to him. 

I sighed, placing the photo back in its original place on the messy desk. Before reaching for the knob again, I turned to give Izuku a glance on last time.

  
  


“Goodnight, zuku..” I mumbled gently. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Happy belated Easter, to those of you that celebrate. I hope you enjoyed this update! The song Izuku was singing was Cherry Wine by Hozier. 
> 
> Let me know what you guys think! x


	8. chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** WARNING: Mentions of physical and emotional abuse, obvious mental illness***** 
> 
> read at your own risk!

**Shoto pov**

“That’s our time for the day, Shoto. I’ll see you next week, okay?” 

Dr.Aizawa looked down at his watch, before standing to lead me to the door. I nodded quietly, walking slowly to the door. He mumbled something to me about how we were making great progress, as I walked past him into the waiting room of the office. The grey walls made me nauseous and I hated how it always smelled like a hospital in here. 

I nodded politely at the secretary sitting at her desk, tied up in a phone conversation. She smiled and waved slightly with her nonbusy hand. The staff here were pretty nice. It made this experience a little more tolerable, despite being in the routine for about a year and a half now it still felt repetitive and torturous. 

I wasn’t someone who was relatively good at talking about my feelings, or understanding feelings of any kind for that matter. I tried, I mean I did try… but after everything that happened, I didn’t see the point for a while. Of anything, really. 

Life was this big array of unfortunate events, and our reactions to these events are what shaped the way in which we lived. Choices, control, emotion… these things were so black and white to me that I couldn’t make sense of any of it. I was trying to see more of the “gray areas” like Dr.Aizawa had suggested. It was easier said than done when you’ve lived your entire life a certain way. 

Before my brother died, I was relatively happy. Well, maybe not for the majority of my youth. My abusive father didn’t really help mould a healthy relationship with emotions, or other  _ people _ for that matter. 

I watched helplessly as he beat my mother for years, watched from where I was pushed to hide behind her. He beat her for protecting me. He beat her for trying to make me “soft.” He beat her because it was raining out. Or because he couldn’t find his favorite button up shirt. 

I hated him. I still do. 

That wasn’t the reason I chose to start going to therapy though. The issues I had with my father were the last thing I cared about. One day he would get what was coming to him, and that brought me enough comfort. 

Life had a way of coming full circle. One way or another, Karma made its way to those who were deserving. It was just the way of the world. 

I hated myself, that much I could recognize. I was familiar with that emotion, I'd carried hate with me for as long as I can remember. Hatred was no stranger to me. I sighed, walking to the crosswalk, waiting for the light to turn allowing me to cross safely. 

_ Izuku.  _

I shuddered as his name rolled through my mind. It felt like a ghostly whisper, it sent shivers down my spine. It shoved the already sunken knife deeper into my fragile heart, twisting with every flash of emerald eyes and curly hair. I couldn’t forgive myself. 

As much as I tried to move on, forget it ever happened… I couldn’t. I had nightmares of him, his body twisted in terrible positions… bloody, broken, bruised… His little smile and his loud laugh were almost worse than his screams, and cries. Knowing I took that joy away from him, that I broke things in him that probably would never be repaired. 

I became the very thing I hated most in the world, my father. I did awful, terrible things to the most precious being I'd ever met. The best thing to ever walk into my life, the one thing to ever truly love me and never let me down. The sweetest, gentlest soul… lied to, degraded, hurt. 

I wasn’t sure how to live with this.  _ I couldn’t live with this.  _

I remember him crying, begging me to get help. Offering his support, trying his best to talk to me, to get me to just communicate. I had ignored him every time. He tried so hard. None of that mattered to me. Not then. 

Sometimes, when I was alone in my apartment, I could still hear his cries...He shrieks in terror. Sometimes I even heard the familiar sound of glass shattering, and I ran around to check where it had come from. Aizawa described this as ptsd. I didn’t accept this diagnosis. How could I, the abuser, be traumatized? I didn’t deserve that excuse or the sympathy. I didn’t  _ want  _ it.

  
  


It all happened so quickly… one moment, everything was fine. But then the pain would become too much to bear, and I was  _ drowning in grief.  _ I was in pain, and It wouldn’t stop.I couldn’t breathe. 

The light signalled me to cross the street, I still checked both ways before stepping on to the paved road. I made my way across, feet dragging on my way.. Mindlessly making my way back to the apartment complex I lived in. 

My brother was gone, and I couldn’t understand why everything I loved was taken away from me. First my mother, and then… Touya. 

My therapist tells me that I subconsciously tried to force Izuku away because I thought I'd lose him too. That was probably true, but nothing could ever excuse what I had done to him.I didn’t want Dr.Aizawa to make excuses for me, and I told him this constantly. He always assured he was doing no such thing, but I didn’t believe him. I hated what i’d done to izuku. Loathed it. 

The way I touched him, the way I spoke to him, the way I completely broke his trust. I watched every day as the light in his eyes that I loved so much, grew dimmer and dimmer.

But, he fought so hard, in typical Midoryia fashion. For some reason it only raised my aggression and made me even more angry. I couldn’t stand the fact that no matter how foul and hateful towards him I was, He stayed patient. He stayed  _ loving,  _ and understanding. I didn’t understand. 

I started drinking, and everything escalated from there. It was the only thing that turned off the constant swirl of thoughts. The alcohol was my gasoline, and I soaked the pain and the memories in it, and set them on fire, I felt them erupt into bright, angry flames. And by the time the flames had settled into dry smoke and ash, It was too late. I’d already hurt him, in ways I didn’t even know. I was blinded by rage, by pain. 

Sometimes it was like I wasn’t even there when it happened. I had no recollection of the events, almost as if I had given the driver's seat of my mind to the fire that consumed me. I snapped out of it, sometimes to find Izuku lying on the ground in his own blood, body heaving with broken, shaky breaths. Sometimes, It was a trail of crimson leading to the locked bathroom door, little sobs trying desperately to be muffled on the other side of the wood. 

No matter the case, the next morning, Izuku would continue on like nothing happened. Even when he was forced to limp around the house, the pain was too much to withstand. Even when his face was black and blue, lips cracked and coated with dry blood, or fingerprint like bruises wrapped around his dainty throat.. 

He would smile, and wish me a good morning. Nodding his head lightly, before turning back to whatever it was he was doing. No matter how hard he forced himself to smile, I could see that it was killing him.  _ I was killing him.  _

Every morning after it happened, I tried to apologize. I tried to beg him to understand that he deserved better, that I wasn’t what he deserved. 

But every time, he would silence me, and whisper that it wasn’t me. He always told me it was the grief talking. He said he understood, he knew I didn’t mean it and would ask me again to talk to someone professional. I refused, every single time. Slowly though, I just stopped talking to him. It’s not that he didn’t try, he really did, but I didn’t let him. I ignored him, unless I was yelling at him for something that didn’t even make sense. I didn’t apologize anymore, either. I didn’t let him talk to his friends, I didn’t let him leave the house. He was completely alone. 

  
  


This continued for a year. 

  
  


My relationship with Izuku lasted roughly three years. We met just before graduating high school, he went to a different high school than I did, but we met through mutual friends. 

He taught me how to love, and I loved him ferociously. With every fiber of my being, I loved him. I still do. 

I don’t think I ever  _ won’t  _ love him. But I do know that I didn’t deserve him, even before everything went wrong. 

I just want to see him again, I want to show him how sorry I am. I want him to know that I didn’t forgive myself and that I never would. I wanted him to yell at me, to tell me how much he hated me. I deserved to hear all of it. 

I needed it. 

After izuku ended up in the hospital, Uraraka had told me to leave town. She told me that if I really loved Izuku, I'd go and I'd let him create a life he deserved. Where he could be happy, and healthy. 

Without fear. 

It tore me apart, my worst nightmares had all become a reality. But I knew she was right. So, I left. 

I went back to our shared apartment, I packed as much as I could fit into my backpack, including a framed photo of Izuku and I, and left. Without so much as a goodbye. 

I knew deep down if I said goodbye to him, he wouldn’t let me go. Despite everything I did, izuku loved me just as he did when we first started dating. It was an unconditional love unlike anything I'd ever experienced. 

Dr.Aizawa did suggest that closure is a key factor in any recovery, he said I wasn’t quite at that level yet, but what did he know? I just wanted to check on him, I didn’t really even need to speak to him. Just  _ see  _ him. Just know that he was doing well. 

With all of these things in mind, I booked a bus ticket back home.  _ Home.  _ It had been almost two years, but I was finally going home. 

_ Izuku, I'm coming.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, yes. I did just upload twice in one day.  
> Secondly, bet you guys weren't expecting THAT. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I really enjoyed writing in Shoto's point of view! He obviously still has some issues he is trying to work through. 
> 
> song: Dangerous Game - Klergy, Beginners


	9. chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** More talk of abuse, read at your own risk***

**Izuku Pov**

“Jiro, I'm gonna take the trash out! I’ll be back in a few!” I yelled out, slipping my headphones back into my ears. 

It was almost closing time, so Jiro and I were starting the closing routine for the store. Records was small, family owned business. It was owned by a man named Hizashi Yamada and his wife. They were a very nice family, and they hired Jiro and I during our first interview. 

We pretty much ran the shop, as the Yamada’s traveled a lot. 

I watched Jiro nod in acknowledgment before I walked towards the back door leading out the ally holding the dumpsters. 

It had been a few weeks since Katsuki had come over for dinner, and things were moving along greatly. We were exclusive, and definitely seeing each other. But we haven’t had the actual  _ relationship status  _ talk yet. I know for sure that I wanted that official boyfriend title, and I was pretty sure Kachaan wanted the same. I just had to work up the courage to ask. 

Something about a relationship still made me a bit weary, but I trusted him. He let me set the pace but he knew when to be gentle and when to take control. It’s like he just  _ knew _ what I needed and when I needed it. Most of the time I don’t even know what I need, he just seems to get me. It’s a match seemingly made in heaven. 

Sometimes he liked to call me his angel, and I always argued with him that I definitely was anything but an angel. But the way his eyes would go soft when he said it, his touch barely there, lips lightly quirked at the corners… I know he truly meant it. 

Cheesy, I know. 

It’s Quite comical coming from me, considering a month ago my thoughts on love were so cynical. Believe me, it’s not lost on me. But he made me feel so warm and happy. I couldn’t bring myself to mind the sappiness of it all. It was endearing. 

I’ve met a few more of his friends since then, who he insisted weren’t his  _ friends _ , But it was quite clear they were a fairly tight knit group. Denki, Mina, Sero, and obviously, Kirishima were his main group of friends. 

I adored all of them, and I was happy to know that Kachaan had people that loved and looked out for him. It warmed my heart to see their dynamic. 

I checked the time on my phone, one hour left. 

I noticed I had a text from Kachaan from about 30 minutes ago, stating that he was picking me up from work. I rolled my eyes, he hated me walking home or taking the bus, especially when I worked late. I had figured he would want to pick me up though, so I let Jiro know that I might slip out a few minutes early in the event that he arrived a few minutes before my time to leave. 

It was sweet that he worried so much, but i’d walked home from work for several years now. I think if something was going to happen, it probably would have by now. 

I didn’t bother texting back, slipping my phone into my back pocket of my jeans. The sooner I got everything done, the earlier Jiro and I could go home. 

Using my back to open the door, I shivered as the cool air hit my skin. I’d left my coat inside, and the December air wasn’t forgiving. I propped the door open with the stand next to the door, struggling with the heavy bags in my arms. 

I managed to sling it into the large can, mumbling along to the song that was playing through my headphones. It was one of my favorite bands, Kaleo.

_ “ _ _ It weighs heavier on one's heart _

_ I could tell right from the start that sweet ones are hard to come across _

_ Well there is more than meets the eye _

_ I like yours as red as vine _

_ Someone else's gain will be my loss”  _

I closed the lid as I sang lightly, nodding my head to the music. I shivered again, the hair on the back of my neck lifted. I froze my movements, I didn’t feel alone in the ally anymore. I could feel eyes glaring into my back, exploring my frame. I lifted a shaky hand to remove one of the headphones, letting it rest between my fingertips gently. 

_ “Well little things that make you smile _

_ Dancing barefoot in the dark _

_ If only I had strength to change your mind _

_ Oh for what you need _

_ You will not see _

_ Choose your words before you speak, oh _

_ Can you see that all you've got is time?”  _

The song continued to play, as I turned my head slightly to look through my peripheral vision. When I didn’t see anything, I laughed at myself. I mentally scolded myself for being so paranoid. I’d been in this ally multiple times, nothing had ever been out here. 

It was probably just a stray cat or something. 

_ “Woah now _

_ Save yourself _

_ Oh you save yourself _

_ Oh darling save yourself for someone else _

_ Yeah, save yourself _

_ Oh darling save yourself _

_ Oh won't you save yourself for someone else” _

I lifted the earphone back to my ear, still acting with slow cautious movements. I tried to ignore the shakiness of my hands. Everything was  _ fine.  _ As I was turning back around to close the lid completely, I saw a flash of silky red hair duck out of the alley, disappearing around the corner. 

Suddenly, the world around me twisted into blurry objects, nothing making sense. I couldn’t see, I couldn’t  _ breathe.  _ As much as I wanted to argue with myself and say it was nothing, I know exactly what I saw. It was undeniable, It had been him. He was here, a few short feet away from me. 

I couldn’t feel how cold the air was anymore, The goosebumps covering my skin did nothing to warn me of the declining temperature. I didn’t feel the sting of pain when my knees collided with the pavement underneath me. I didn’t feel the tremors of my body, I didn’t feel the salty tears running down my cold cheeks. 

I didn’t  _ feel  _ anything… except the fear. It paralyzed me, and the fact that I couldn’t move panicked me even more. 

My body slumped over, arms sliding against the rough cement. I didn’t notice the dark crimson coating my elbows. I didn’t notice as my head followed shortly after, curls bouncing as it landed with a thud. 

_ “Tell your secrets to the night _

_ You do yours and I do mine _

_ So we won't have to keep them all inside _

_ Oh, for one so pure _

_ Count these off _

_ Let your feelings take control _

_ Hold on to the world that he's begging for” _

I don’t know how long I layed there, or what time it was. Jiro probably figured I had left, I did let her know that I assumed Kachaan would pick me up…so she probably thought I just left after taking the trash out. 

Either way, I still couldn’t bring myself to move. In the back of my mind, I knew I needed to. That kachaan was probably looking for me. That Uraraka was probably wondering why I hadn’t made it home yet. With all of this in mind, I still couldn’t bring myself to move. 

I knew a few hours must have passed, due to how dark the sky had gotten, and the soft glow of the street lamps made shadows on the street. I could only stare helplessly at the dark abyss above, watching as the stars twinkled ahead. It forced memories from the corners of my mind, ones I didn’t want to remember. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to push them away. I shook my head as they forced their way forward. 

  
  


_ “Look Izuku, look at how bright they are.”  _

No. I didn’t want to remember this, I can’t. I can’t. 

_ He smiled brightly at me, both blue and grey orbs twinkling in delight. His fingers brushed gently against my arm. There was something odd about the touch, though. Something that hadn’t been there before. It made my stomach twist into knots. _

I could feel the ghost touches. My skin crawled, and I felt sick. I scratched ferociously at my arms, trying desperately to scrub them away with my blunt nails. I couldn’t feel the angry red lines forming on my skin. 

_ “But don’t worry, nothing will ever outshine you, my Yuki.”  _

Tears were leaving a puddle around my face, which was still resting on the dark ground underneath. I choked on a sob, curling tighter into myself. My nails pressed dangerously hard into my forearm, no doubt leaving crescent shaped marks. 

_ “Woah are you going to break? _

_ Woah what's it going to take? _

_ Yeah, are you going to break?” _

  
  


“DEKU!!!” I heard a panicked scream echo around the alleyway. I recognized it Immediately. Kachaan. 

“Deku, please! Where are you!!?” he sounded so worried, it was all my fault. It was my fault.

I tried to open my mouth to speak,  _ I'm right here, i’m fine. Please don't worry Kachaan.  _ All that managed to come out was a small, shaky sob. It must have been enough, because immediately a figure came rushing towards me.    
  


Arms reached out to touch me, causing me to flinch back instinctively. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, forcing more tears to spring free. 

A small gasp echoed out, followed by a shaky breath. 

“Oh god, Izuku… what the fuck? What, baby.. It’s just me. It’s k-Katsuki, please… just.. Let me take care of you, okay?” He spoke softly, and this time his approach was slower. More cautious. 

I opened my eyes, as soon as my dull eyes met bright crimson pools, something awoke in me. My mind returning to me, all sense of reality sinking back in. I coughed back the tears threatening to spill again, and threw myself into his arms. 

He stumbled back as he caught me, still crouching down to be at my level on the ground. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, pulling me impossibly close to him. I shoved my face into the crook of his neck, nose pressing against his warm skin. 

He shivered at the contact. 

“You’re freezing, baby.. You’re shaking.” 

He adjusted me in his arms before standing, walking towards the exit of the alley. I clung tightly to him, like a child. I knew I was safe now that he was here, but that didn’t stop the undeniable fear from sinking deeper into my bones as he walked past the spot that  _ he  _ stood in earlier. Watching me. 

I shivered, a sob escaping from my throat at the thought of everything that could have happened. Everything hurt. 

Kachaan rubbed a warm, strong hand against my back as he continued walking towards his car parked in front of the shop. 

“I got you, zuku. You’re safe, angel. Everything is going to be okay. I’m taking you home.” 

He did his best to comfort me, even though I know he must be terrified to find me like this, but he hid it well. 

I didn’t notice how tired I was until my back hit the soft seat of the car. My head lulled to the side as he buckled me in, eyes fluttering, fighting to stay open. 

He stroked my face gently, tucking a loose curl behind my ear. I leaned into the touch, allowing my eyes to lose their fight against the heaviness. He smiled gently, “Sleep baby. It’s okay now.” 

He moved back, turning to shut the door behind him. I whined immediately at the loss of his hand, Reaching frantically to grab on to any part of him. My fingers managed to grab on to his shirt, I clutched the material tightly, desperately. Panicked eyes staring into his, silently begging him to leave me alone. 

“I’m just going to get in on the other side and drive us home, okay? I’ll hold your hand the whole way. When we get home, we’re gonna get you all cleaned up and then i’ll stay as long as you want, alright? I’m not leaving you, Deku.” 

Cleaned up? I glanced down at myself to see what he was talking about. I gasped as I finally took in my appearance. Dried blood and dirt clung to my arms and clothes. Small, nail like indents could be seen through the bare spots. My skin was pale, freezing to the touch. Cold… like a snowflake.  _ My little Yuki.  _ I shook my head as the name floated into my mind again. 

I shook as the cold and the reality of everything finally began to catch up to me. 

He must have noticed, because he peeled my fingers from his shirt and aimed the air vents towards me before shutting the car door gently. I could see him jogging around to the drivers side, before sliding into his seat and quickly starting up the car. He blasted the heat, and looked over at me to make sure I was content. 

I forced the biggest smile I could, which wasn’t much. 

He turned forward again, reaching for my hand and interlocking our fingers as he pulled the car out onto the road. 

My eyes regained their heaviness, and slowly I lost the battle to stay awake. I drifted to sleep, terrifying images of teal and grey eyes haunting my unconscious mind. 

As soon as the eyes started to close in on me, Bright Crimson ones popped into view, effectively eliminating the monster from my dreams. 

_ My hero,  _ I thought, before darkness overtook me. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Katsuki Pov**

I don’t know what the  _ fuck _ happened. 

I know I'm ready to tear apart whatever or whoever did this to him. That much, I was fucking sure of. 

I’ve never seen anyone look that afraid, ever. The look in his eyes, it was… 

I can’t even begin to describe it. It hurt me so much to see him that way, I felt powerless. I needed to be strong for him though, I needed to stay calm. 

I glanced over at the sleeping angel next to me. He looked rough… Green curls were pressed to his forehead, his skin was covered in dust and dirt, and dark, dried blood rested on his arms. I could also see where his lip was busted, probably from biting too hard. 

Judging by the small indentations on his forearms, I could assume that this was self-inflicted. But what happened that upset him  _ this much?  _ What caused him to do this to himself? What caused this level of panic? 

We’ll talk about it when he’s awake, maybe even tomorrow… if that’s what he needs. Knowing that he was asleep, I allowed a few tears to leave my eyes. I was afraid, something I never really admitted, not even to myself. I was worried, I was afraid, and I just wanted more than anything for him to be okay. 

I pulled into the closest spot I could to his apartment, before turning the car off. I shut the door softly, drying my eyes as I got out and jogged around to the passenger side. I opened his door gently, trying not to startle him awake. He needed the rest and I didn’t want to argue with him about me carrying him up the stairs. 

I unbuckled him, sliding one arm under his knees and the other behind his back gently. I raised him from the seat, shutting the door using my hip. 

I made it up to the apartment without bumping into too many people, I didn’t want to deal with any fucking extras right now. 

I used my foot to kick against the door a few times, Urarka would have to deal with it. My arms were obviously occupied and I didn’t want to shift Izuku around too much in my arms. 

The door flew open, Round face stood there with a glare, no doubt ready to tell off whoever had assaulted her door. Her eyes landed on the sleeping mess in my arms, and she gasped loudly. Her hand flew up to her mouth, shaking slightly. Her eyes snapped up to mine in concern, no doubt shaken by his appearance. She moved aside, opening the door wider for me to step in. 

“Gotta get him cleaned up” I mumbled quietly, moving towards the bathroom. 

She followed quickly after me, and I was thankful she didn’t start hammering me with questions. I sat down on the closed toilet seat, softly peeling Izuku’s shirt over his head the best I could while also holding him. I made sure not to put any pressure on his arms, not knowing the extent of his injuries. 

Uraraka moved past me to turn on the water, testing it with her hand and allowing it to warm for a moment. When she deemed it good enough, she put the plug in to stop the water from escaping down the drain. 

She reached under the sink to pull out a clean washcloth and grabbed Izuku's soaps from the shelf in the shower. 

I know Deku probably wouldn’t like me undressing him like this, especially with Round face present, but under the current circumstances I'm sure he wouldn’t be too upset. 

I tugged his jeans down his thin legs, along with his socks. I decided to leave his boxers on, just so he wouldn’t be too embarrassed about it whenever he woke up. 

I stood up slowly, walking towards the tub. I lowered him into the water gently, holding his head up with my hand. He stirred a little, eyelashes fluttering softly against his cheeks, but otherwise remained unmoving. 

Uraraka handed me the cloth with soap already covering it, the smell of green apple lightly filled the air. I mumbled out a small thanks before moving to wipe down Izuku’s arms. I tried to be as delicate as I could. I shivered as the water slowly changed from clear, to a light pink color. 

I heard Uraraka let out a small gasp, noticing the same thing I did. I turned towards where she kneeled next to me by the edge of the tub. Her eyes were watery, and her hands hadn’t stopped shaking. “He’s going to be okay” I mumbled. “We’ve got him.” 

As I washed his hair, I noticed a small cut with a forming bruise on his forehead. He must have hit his head on the ground. My heart twisted, I hated seeing him like this. My beautiful angel, what happened to you? Rinsing out his hair, I ignored the straining of my muscles. I’d been holding him up for a while now. I nodded at Uraraka that it was okay to pull out the plug holding the water in. 

She stood to grab a fluffy white towel from the cabinet in the bathroom, and I maneuvered him up and out of the tub. She assisted me in wrapping the towel around him, and I exited the bathroom walking towards his bedroom. 

I laid him down on his bed, making sure he was dry and wrapped up tightly before walking towards his dressure to pull out a pair of dry clothes. Round face had stopped at the door, when I had found the clothes I was looking for, she muttered something about going to make tea. 

I pulled his wet, black briefs down his legs, before pulling on a dry pair of plaid pajama bottoms. I decided it would be better to leave him shirtless, in fear of waking him with any more movements. I pressed my hand to his forehead, eyes widening when he felt feverish. I adjusted his body so he was lying under the blanket, tucking him in gently. I walked back into the bathroom to grab a cool washcloth for his forehead. 

I was on my way back to the room, when I heard a soft whimper sound from the room. I sped up my pace, pushing the door open in slight panic and my eyes scanned the room. 

Izuku was still on his bed, still sleeping soundly. His eyebrows were pulled together, plump lips turned downwards. He let another small whimper free, hands twisting into the gray comforter. 

I rushed over to him, whispering sweet words, doing my best to calm him. His expression eventually softened and his grip on the blanket released. I ran my hand through his hair, careful not to tug at any tangles. 

He was mumbling in his sleep. It was incoherent for the most part, so I tried not to pay too much attention. I placed the rag on his head, adjusting it to lay perfectly over his forehead. I heard Uraraka enter the room again and I turned around offering a small smile. She did her best to return one, as she handed me a warm cup. 

“S-Shoto… please, I.. sorry” izuku mumbled in his sleep. His head turning harshly, almost as if he was turning away from someone. 

Uraraka almost dropped her cup, her free hand rising to cover her gasp. Tears sprang to her honey colored eyes, focused on Izuku’s fragile body. 

“Is shoto… is he the one who hurt Izuku?” I asked gently. 

She nodded, seemingly still in shock. I needed to know what was going on. I couldn’t take this anymore. She must have read my mind, because she began to tell me about this Shoto person, and his relationship with Deku. 

“Shoto was the first and only person Deku ever dated. They started dating a bit after graduating high school, and we all knew each other through mutual friends. He was so charming, sweet, and Izuku loved him. He loved him so much, I had never seen Izuku that way before. Their relationship, it was so  _ perfect  _ in the beginning. Shoto loved Izuku with just as much, and maybe even more, Intensity than what Izuku did. He was always so delicate and gentle with Zuku. He was there for him through his mother's death, and a few months after they moved into an apartment together. Everything was great, until one day it wasn’t. I stopped hearing from izuku after Shoto’s brother died. It was almost like he completely disappeared. I would call and text so many times. I’d go to his work, this is when he worked at the coffee shop on main street..” she paused to take a breath. 

“I don’t know much about what happened, because I didn’t have contact with Izuku over that year. Shoto wouldn’t let me talk to him, he wouldn’t let Izuku talk to  _ anyone.  _ He didn’t let him go to work, either. He completely isolated him from the world, and Izuku was so in love he mistook all of this as Shoto’s way of grieving. He was so naive, so blinded. “ her eyes scanned mine, and I knew from her look that I needed to prepare myself for what she was about to say. 

“I knew nothing… until I received a call from the hospital, stating that Izuku was in the intensive care unit, with severe injuries. They called me because I was his emergency contact after Inko’s death. H-he… he had two broken rips, a severe concussion, and his arm was dislocated. He was covered in cuts and bruises, one of the cuts needed 10 stitches. I knew immediately what happened, but I had to ask Zuku to be sure. When he woke up, he begged me not to tell the police, he begged me to just let it go. But I wouldn’t, how  _ could I?”  _ her voice broke off into a sob, and I offered a hand on her shoulder in comfort. She gave me a small smile, and took in a deep breath before continuing. 

“He admitted to me that Shoto had done this to me, and that it wasn’t the first time he had hurt him. He said it had never been this bad before, but that he had developed an alcohol problem. He admitted a lot to me, but I think there are some things that he’s never told me. I don’t think he can even bear to repeat them himself… I should have done more back then, I should have confronted Shoto. But they were so  _ happy  _ before, that I never thought he’d-” she finally broke down completely, eyes overflowing with tears. 

I pulled her into a hug, trying my best to let her know it wasn’t her fault, that Izuku would never think it was her fault. I couldn’t blink back my tears anymore, so we stood there for a while, crying silently. 

“I went to that asshole's apartment after I left the hospital that day, and I told him to leave town. I told him that if he ever came near Izuku again, I wouldn’t hesitate to tell the police what he had done. He didn’t even try to defend himself, he just kept telling me how much he  _ loved  _ zuku. It made me sick.” She held disgust in her tone, and I could see the anger present in her eyes. 

“He hasn’t shown his face for close to two years now, so my threat worked I guess...until now. Izuku hasn’t really had a nightmare about him since you came around, so I’m guessing something happened today. I don’t know what. But I have a terrible feeling about this, Katsuki.” 

I clenched my fists at my sides, staring into her eyes intensely. 

“I won’t let anything happen to him.” I promised. 

She nodded, wiping her eyes before turning her attention back to Izuku, who was still sleeping soundly. 

He must be really exhausted to have slept through all of this. 

“I know you won’t” she stated, raising her chin higher in the air. I could feel the protective energy coming off of her in giant waves. I wonder if she could feel the same coming from me. 

I would protect Izuku, no matter what. And as soon as he woke up, we were going to talk about what happened. 

I watched his chest rise and fall, in a slow paced rhythm. For the first time all night, he seemed to be at peace. I walked forward and slid into bed behind him, wrapping a tight arm around his waist as Uraraka walked towards the door. She muttered a soft goodnight to me, then flicked the light switch and shut the door. 

As darkness fell over the room blending in with the night coming in from the window, I knew that I was hopelessly In love with the bundle of warmth in my arms. I nuzzled my hair into his damp green curls, melting into the smell of green apples. 

I traced a gentle finger over freckled cheeks, frowning at the tear stains invading his perfect face. 

  
  


My beautiful angel, I will always keep you safe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that was intense. My heart hurts for Izuku :( 
> 
> The song included in this chapter is Save yourself - Kaleo  
> I think it fit very well into the scene! 
> 
> Leave a comment telling me what you think is going to happen next! Will Shoto make another appearance?


	10. chapter 10

**Izuku Pov**

I woke the way anyone else does, really. Eyelashes fluttering, trying to adjust to the light of morning peaking through the curtain covered window. It snuck through the drapes, settling on anything it could touch, creating a soft morning glow all around. Everything the light touches, basking it a soft yellow glow. Mornings would be a yellow type color, I thought to myself. 

The thing that was abnormal about how I woke, was the weight of something slung across my waist. The sound of small, easy breaths invaded ears. The mix of the warmth and the feeling of small puffs hitting the back of my neck made me realize quickly that I wasn’t alone. 

My eyes flickered down to the arm resting lazily across my hips. I recognized the tan skin immediately, and sank back into the touch. Kachaan. My heart fluttered as his heat enveloped me, his nose pressing gently to the back of my neck. 

I heard him hum behind me, a sign of him beginning to wake. I craned my neck a bit to get a better view of him, smiling softly at his sleeping expression. He seemed like something that couldn’t possibly be  _ human.  _ His eyebrows pulled together slightly, to show his mind starting to come to from his sleepy state. The sharp edges of his jaw and cheek bones, contrasted by a cute small, dainty nose. Sinfully plump pink lips, slightly ajar as his soft breaths continued to push through the air. 

A deep, scarlett eye peaked open gently, taking in my adoring gaze. He let out a chuckle, and I tried to contain my swoon as I felt it vibrate against my back. 

“Mornin, Deku. You done staring?” he asked, voice raspy and coated in sleep. The sound of his voice was enough to make me feel weak, and I was thankful to be laying in bed. I couldn’t help but be confused on how we ended up here though, not that I was complaining by any means. 

He must have noticed my confusion because suddenly his face was laced in worry. It made my heart sink, tightening my chest and pausing the flow of air into my lungs. I didn’t want to be the cause of his worry. I closed my eyes as he turned me to face him, gentle fingers stroking my cheeks. I tried to recall the events of last night. 

“Take your time, zuku..” he mumbled gently. I concentrated on the feeling of his fingers tracing over the freckles on my cheeks, making patterns between them as if he was forming his own constellations along my skin. 

It came back to me all at once, flashes of what I saw made me gasp. Mouth ajar, trying desperately to pull air into my chest, lungs crying at the loss of oxygen. Deep tremors forced their way from my bones, shaking my entire being. I could feel the fear and despair coming from me in waves, and I wanted it to stop. I wanted  _ everything to stop.  _

I felt hands rush soothingly up and down my arms, trying to ground me. I couldn’t stop the feeling that I was sinking, I was going under and as much as I didn’t want to, I couldn’t make it stop. It felt like waves were crashing against me, forcing me under a dark and unforgiving sea. 

My ears were Burning, filled with a ringing that made me push my hands flat against them. The ringing didn’t stop though, which sent me into further panic. There’s no way out. Trapped. I'm stuck. I can’t  _ breathe _ , and I'm _ drowning _ and _ I can’t- I can’t… _

Suddenly, hands were ripping my own away from my ears and my body was pulled up into a sitting position. I felt a hand go to my back, holding me up, while another flew to raise my chin up. My eyes flew open, scared of the touch, who’s touching me? 

I blinked when I saw red. Deep, beautiful red. It calmed me slightly, enough that I could hear the ringing begin to fade and a quiet, yet firm voice spoke out into the open air. 

“Come back to me, baby. It’s okay… i’m here, nobody can hurt you. Not anymore. It’s okay, Izuku.”  _ Kachaan. It’s Kachaan.  _

I could feel the water leaving my chest, my lungs finally pulling in air. I can breathe, I'm not drowning. I’m here with Kachaan and he will keep me safe. _I’m here._ _I’m okay._

I looked up at him, nodding slightly to let him know it was okay now. I was ready. I knew by the look he was giving me that he would protect me with everything he had. He would walk head first into flames, not thinking twice about it. He would dive into deep, angry oceans to help me. 

It was an intensity I'd never experienced before. I wasn’t quite sure how to take it, how to understand what he was trying to tell me with that look. Whatever it was, it seemed that he wasn’t ready to put it into words yet. I had to accept that. I could wait... For him I could. I’d wait a thousand years, if that was what he needed. 

“I-i’m… sorry, Kachaan.. For everything.” I mumbled out. I hated that all I had done was cause him trouble, it sent me into a spiral of even deeper self hatred. I hated this feeling of being so useless, so hopeless. I hated that I was making his life harder, when all I really wanted to do was make him happy. I hated the thought that he would probably be better off without me. 

“You deserve so much better than me, I’m sorry for all of this trouble i’ve caused you… i-i would understand if you didn’t want to be with me anymore.” I didn’t want to look up to meet his eyes, I didn’t want to watch my words sink it to his mind. That was the selfish part of me. 

He forced my eyes upwards by the finger that still rested on my face. His face was almost unreadable, so many emotions were washing over him. It was like he was trying to figure out what he wanted to say. Struggling with all of the thoughts that swirled around in his mind, forcing him to just stare breathlessly. 

Finally, he spoke, and it was not at all what I had expected. 

“You are  _ more _ than anything I, or anyone else, could ever deserve.. I will spend the rest of my days trying to prove that to you. I…” he paused, seemingly debating what he was about to say next. His eyes flickered away from mine for a brief moment, before returning back to stare into mine. 

It was that familiar intensity that I'd seen on his face several times throughout my life. The familiarity of it brought me a sense of peace, but also made my skin twinge in nervousness. I never knew what to expect when that determined face came about, and despite everything being different between us… my heart had changed since back then, and I knew to be cautious. 

“I love you, Izuku. I think that I always have. Dammit, I didn’t understand it back then. I was so confused and I-I fucking took it out on you, like a coward. I’m so fucking sorry my part in this. I never meant for any of this to happen, and maybe if I would have just spoke the fuck up back then, you never would have ended up with that… that  _ excuse of a human being.”  _

I didn’t know how to respond. There was so much weighing in that confession, and it was a lot to take in. I wanted to tell him that I loved him back, that he made me feel so happy. I didn’t want him to blame himself for anything that happened, none of it was his fault. Well, at least not what happened with… Shoto. 

My mind was screaming at me, pulling my focus in so many different directions. I couldn’t think straight. I could tell my silence was weighing heavily on him, and I needed to speak up… to say  _ something.  _

My hands shook as I continued to look at him, wide eyed and stunned at his confession. My mind continued yelling at me, so I did what I knew words wouldn’t be able to explain. 

I leaned forward and smashed our lips together, my hand sliding up to grip the back of his neck, anchoring me to this spot. He tasted like caramel and I wanted to stay in this moment forever. 

He grunted in surprise, before kissing me back intensely. His hands reached up to tangle in my hair, pulling me even closer to him. I could feel his tongue fighting against mine to gain dominance, I’d rather not admit how quickly I gave in to him. 

I pulled back slightly to catch my breath, our chests rising and falling rapidly. His eyes were darker, almost black as they clouded over with lust… and apparently, love. 

I could only imagine how dark mine were, especially under his gaze. I could feel myself melting into his touch. I was caught in the flow of him, warm and rough in a way that made my head spin. It was passion, fully transformed into physical touch. 

He pushed me back roughly, my back landing with a thud against the bed. For a moment, a memory tried to bring itself into the light…  _ No, I won’t let him take this moment from me. I won’t let him take anything else from me.  _ Still, I couldn’t help the slight tenseness that ran through me. 

Kachaan must have noticed because his gaze softened a bit, hand sliding gently to rest against my cheek. His eyes fluttered closed as he laid a soft kiss there. 

We were interrupted by a loud crash sounding like it was coming from the kitchen, followed by Uraraka yelling out a frustrated “Shit!” 

We both chuckled slightly, looking at each other, chests still heaving. 

“Let’s pick this up later, yeah? We have a lot to talk about..” he offered me a small smile, and placed a light kiss to my lips. He pulled both of us up, and we walked out towards the kitchen. I was half expecting to see the entire thing in flames, knowing Uraraka. 

Luckily though, it wasn’t as extreme as I was expecting and it was just a broken plate spread across the floor. I rolled my eyes at her dramatic response, always over the top. 

“Good morning, sunshine” she beamed at me, before turning her gaze to the glass covering the floor. She sighed, grabbing the broom and sweeping the glass into the dust pan before discarding them into the trash. 

“Sorry If I woke you, I was just finishing up breakfast and decided it would be fun to throw a plate on the ground” she spoke sarcastically. I could feel there was a worriedness to her tone though, and she seemed a bit on edge. Looking over her shoulder,I noticed just how  _ much  _ she had made for breakfast and my suspicions were confirmed. She excessively cooks when she is stressed and this was enough food to feed a small army. 

Eggs, rice, bacon, pancakes, toast, and fresh fruit covered the entire table along with freshly made coffee and a pitcher of orange juice. I offered her a small smile, mumbling a good morning in return before sliding into my normal seat at the table. This conversation was not something I was looking forward to, but it is necessary. Especially because of the severity of this situation. 

I don’t know what Shoto’s intentions were, and I was more so worried he could hurt Uraraka or Kachaan… I know that he’s a good person, he just lost his way after the passing of Touya. Uraraka tells me that it doesn’t excuse the way I was treated, and deep down I know that. But I loved Shoto, and that doesn’t just go away… not when you  _ truly  _ loved someone. 

And if he wanted to hurt me, wouldn’t he have done it when we were alone in the alley? That sort of opportunity didn’t happen often, so what was he playing at? Did he have some sort of plan? Did he just happen to walk by and see me? 

I don’t know how long I had been lost in thought, but I snapped out of it when Uraraka was waving her hand in front of my face. I jumped back in surprise, glaring at her slightly. A small scowl settling on to my face as I turned to look down towards my suddenly filled plate. 

“Oh, thanks..” I mumbled out, picking up my fork. 

I could see Uraraka and Kachaan exchange a worried look, then their gaze returned to me. I know they wanted to know what happened last night and they both deserved an explanation. I pondered over the easiest, quickest way to get this conversation over with. I decided blunt and straight forward would be best, so I sighed before lifting my eyes to gaze wearily at both of them. 

“I saw him.” I spoke calmly, taking a sip of my coffee. I brought it up so casually that it must have caused even more of a shock to the pairs of eyes boring into mine. 

Kachaan choked on whatever it was he was chewing, coughing roughly. Uraraka’s eyes widened, clearly just as surprised. She smacked hard against his back, trying to force him to stop choking. In any other circumstance, I probably would’ve found the situation hilarious. Right now though, not so much. 

Kachaan swat his hands at Uraraka, telling her wordlessly that he was fine. They both looked back at me, probably half expecting me to freak out and cry again. I didn’t really feel like crying though, I didn’t really  _ feel  _ anything. I knew that I was happy to be with kacchan and Uraraka, I knew that I was content with the food in front of me, and I absolutely knew I should be more worried about the situation we were all in. But honestly, there was this numbness that I could feel creeping in that I didn’t feel up to fighting. 

It was familiar, like an old friend coming back for a visit. There was something about feeling empty that I could find comfort in. I didn’t have to wonder what would come next, because I already knew what I would feel. There was security in blankness, in being numb to life's turns and changes. However as much as I wanted to, I can’t keep myself from feeling anything completely. Not when just looking at Kachaan makes my heart feel like it’s going to leap from my chest and happily present itself into his awaiting hands. 

I decided it would probably be a good time to continue, judging by the looks I was receiving. I sighed, placing the mug down on the table. Here goes nothing. 

“He didn’t say anything, he didn’t even make his presence known. I just so happened to turn and catch him out of the corner of my eye, but I know it was him. I  _ know  _ what I saw. As much as I want to pretend my eyes are deceiving me, I know the reality is that he was there. I don’t know what he’s planning to do or  _ if  _ he’s even planning anything at all. For all I know, maybe it’s just all a big coincidence and he came back to visit family or friends… who knows. I’m… I'm sorry for scaring both of you. That was never my intention.” my voice became quieter as I spoke, before it melted into silence all together. There was a lot I wanted to say, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to utter out the words. 

I wanted to tell them that I was afraid, that Shoto was so unpredictable. I wanted to tell them that I worried for their safety if his possessive side decided to make an appearance. I didn’t want any harm to come to them because of me… I would never be able to live with that. If the situation were to arise that he wanted something from me, I don’t know if I would be able to deny him. I don’t want to think about what could happen if I did. 

The naive part of me wanted to believe that maybe he had gotten the help he needed and came back to apologize. Maybe he came to get some closure and to say goodbye. I wasn’t sure what to expect and I so badly wanted to slip back into the emptiness I had felt when he left. But when Deep red eyes stared so concerningly into mine, I had no choice but to  _ feel.  _ To love. 

Even if I wasn’t ready to say it back, at least not out loud. Not yet. 

“Zuzu, you have nothing to apologize for. We worry because we love you and we only want you to be safe. I don’t know what he wants, but I know for damn sure he won’t be getting close enough to you for any of us to ever know why he’s here. We won’t let him hurt you.” Uraraka spoke firmly. Her eyes glistened with determination, her hands forming into fists on the table. Kachaan’s expression wasn’t far off from the one Uraraka was wearing. 

But that’s just it, I thought… I don’t care what could happen to me. Just to the two of you. 

My eyes flickered between the both of them, listening to them make up a plan to make sure one of them was near me at all times. They were scheduling times to walk me to work, to walk me home from work, and anything in between. I appreciated the effort, and I loved them for caring so much. 

But all of this was becoming too much and I just don’t know if I can handle this. 

I don’t know when exactly I stopped listening to them and started focusing on the sounds of my own breathing. I focused on the feeling of my chest rising and falling, and tried to follow the air deep into my lungs as it flowed. 

Anything that happened to the two people that mattered most to me in the world would be entirely my fault… I wasn’t sure I’d be able to recover from that. 

I decided right then that it would be me protecting them. No matter what they said, or how much they protested… 

I would keep  _ them  _ safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, Hope everything's going okay for you! 
> 
> I know I haven't uploaded in a few days and that's not really like me.  
> I've been in a funk lately, but I finally got around to writing this chapter. :/  
> sorry for the wait, the next chapter will be better!
> 
> also, what Pov do you guys like better?


	11. chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the usual warnings apply for this one  
> *** read at your own risk***

**Shoto Pov**

Alright, so maybe it wasn’t my  _ best  _ idea to creep on Izuku in a dark alleyway. I mean, it was an honest mistake, really! It’s not like I meant to freak him out, well I mean, maybe a little? Besides, it has been nearly a week. I’m sure he was probably over it by now. 

I just wanted to know where we stood without actually talking to him. Apparently, we weren’t on good terms, which was to be expected. I mean, when you beat someone within an inch of their life and abuse them in every possible way for a year, it’s not really far fetched to say they’d be a tad uneasy in regards to your presence. 

This wasn’t exactly the reaction I  _ wanted  _ was the thing. And the fact that some… guy came to help him. I didn’t appreciate the way he touched Izuku, either. Who the fuck was this guy, anyways? 

I tried to shake the thoughts away. No, I'm not that person anymore. I can’t just let jealousy turn me into something I'm not. Not again. I needed to focus. 

My shoes scuffed against the pavement as I walked down the sidewalk. The air was cool, the blackness of night not helping to provide any warmth either. The cold soaked through my thin jacket, making its home in my bones. I huffed, watching as the breath visibly rolled out into the air in a small cloud of smoke. 

I didn’t want to be someone that Izuku was afraid of anymore. However I know that against my wishes, things like this don’t just fade away. Not something as serious as trauma. I hurt him, severely. I was someone he trusted, someone he  _ loved  _ and I broke that. I shattered it completely without any sign of remorse. 

I made him question everything he ever knew about the world, about people… about himself. It didn’t go unnoticed that he was losing the best pieces of himself every single day. He faded into the ghost of a beautiful boy right before my eyes, replaced by a mess of bones and bruises and I could  _ feel  _ the sorrow, the despair, that he carried with him. 

I felt it in a different way now then I did back then. 

It angered me then, to see how he just wouldn’t give up. He was strong, way stronger than me.. He never let grief and anger and self hatred consume him the way I did. I let the pain eat me alive from the inside out, feasting on the soul that rested within me. It completely destroyed every happy thing that rested within my wake. 

It infuriated me that he wouldn’t just accept defeat. But when he finally did… 

I could physically  _ see  _ the snap. I saw the beautiful, happy soul of the Man I loved break and shatter into a thousand pieces. I wanted nothing more to beg on my knees, scoop the pieces into my shaking hands and offer them back to him. I wanted to mend what I broke. I needed to. I didn’t meant to push him so far, he handled everything else so well.

I had to fix this and he wasn’t giving me much room to work with. I wanted to catch him on his walk home from work, but he was always with uraraka or that stupid, blonde guy. I know neither would let me near him.. I needed an opening. I had to be patient. 

I waited across the street from the small music store, just like I did every night. Izuku didn’t seem to take many days off, which didn’t surprise me. He loved music when we were together, he played something for me constantly. It warmed me to know that he never lost that passion, regardless of what’s happened to him in his life. This is exactly the place I was able to picture him working while we were apart. 

I watched carefully, leaning against the brick wall behind me. I blended with the shadows of the night, eyes scanning around. I checked the time on my phone, 10:25pm… weird. 

Normally one of Izuku’s friends would have been here to pick him up by now. I know they always arrive a bit before the shop closes, and the shop closes at 10. However I assume it takes time for Izuku to get everything together for the night. So he usually departs around 10:30, with whoever it is that’s accompanying him home that night. 

It seemed like my moment was finally here. Patience truly was a virtue, it seemed. 

I watched a small frame open the front door of the shop, turning to lock the door. I watched as he wiggled the knob, assuring it was locked before turning to start his journey back home. 

I followed him silently on the other side of the street, making sure to keep a safe distance in our paces. I didn’t want him to see me on the other side of the street and run away. He was wearing a black and white flannel, unbuttoned. Underneath was some vintage looking black T-shirt, sporting a few small holes. His hair has gotten longer, just the way I liked it, it was thrown up lazily into a bun on top of his head. 

I wanted to scold him for not wearing a warmer jacket, it was freezing out here. He could catch a cold. 

Still though, he walked facing straight ahead. I could see his expression was tense, shoulders tight and hands tucked deeply into his pockets as he walked. I waited a few minutes before crossing the street to be on the same side he was inhabiting. I sped up, closing in on him. I needed to be  _ closer.  _

I saw him spare a quick glance behind him, locking eyes with me. I saw him become impossibly tense, and there was a moment of obvious hesitation. I expected him to run, honestly. I was prepared for the chase, I'd already had a pretty good idea of how I expected everything to go. 

What I didn’t expect was for him to stop completely in his tracks and turn towards me. I couldn’t help but to cease my own movements. What was he doing? Shouldn’t he be trying to get away from me? Running as fast as he can, calling for help? Something more.. I don’t know, rational? 

He walked towards me, slowly approaching my confused figure. He was unsure of himself, that was quite apparent. But there was this edge to him and his physique that made me nervous. The fact that  _ he _ was approaching  _ me  _ made me feel powerless. I needed to gain the control back, I needed to be in charge of this situation. 

I stood up straighter and kept my expression as neutral as possible. He stood before me now, keeping a short distance between us. Not far enough that I wouldn’t be able to hear him if he spoke, but far enough that I couldn’t reach out and grab him. Clever boy. 

He swiped one hand up to his face, brushing a loose emerald curl behind his ear. I focused on how shaky his hand was, it made me both sorrowful and proud. It was a weird combination, and I hated the prideful part of myself. I didn’t want to be happy about the fact that I obviously still had an effect on him, not when it was such a negative one. 

I remained quiet, waiting for him to speak. I took one slow, cautious step forward, testing the waters. He narrowed his eyes and shuffled back a few steps, warning me with his expression that he’d bolt if I came any closer. 

It frustrated me, but I nodded slowly. I’d let him feel that he had the power… for now. I know i’d have to play this on his emotions and sympathies. It would be easy for me. 

He was just as beautiful as I remembered. Long eyelashes resting gently above deep, forest colored eyes. Freckles littering round cheeks. My beautiful, strong little Izuku. My love, my yumi. 

When he finally did speak, I knew I was losing the battle to the darkest part of myself. As much as I tried to fight it off, it started to completely take over me. I was pushed to the back seat of my mind, forced to sit and watch at what would unfold before me, 

_ I’m so sorry, Izuku..  _

  
  
  


**Izuku Pov**

I somehow managed to convince Kachaan and Uraraka to let me walk home alone tonight. The argument lasted several hours, but eventually they caved in. I may have also told them that Jirou would be walking with me… I didn’t feel good about lying to them, in fact it made me feel extremely guilty. 

I just was so tired of them putting their own lives on hold to watch after me like a child! I know the situation is severe, but I was worried about their safety too. I don’t think Shoto wanted to hurt me… he would have the night of the alley incident if that were the case. Either way, I had a feeling he was waiting until he could catch me alone to make another appearance. I planned to confront him, demand for him to tell me what it is he wanted. 

So when I closed the shop down for the night and started my walk home, I kept my eyes forward and my pace slow. I would wait for him to make a move. I was prepared. 

I saw a figure cross the street from the corner of my eye, quickening their pace to reach me. I didn’t have to turn to know who it was.  _ Now or never,  _ I thought to myself. I took a deep breath in an attempt to calm my rapidly beating heart. I spun around, turning to face the man that haunted my nightmares but also lingered lovingly in my memory. 

The first man I gave my heart to. The first person I ever loved… Shoto. 

I walked closer before stopping at a safe distance, eyeing him cautiously. I swiped the falling hair from my face, trying not to feel sick under his gaze. I cursed myself for not cutting it, he loved it like this. Kacahaan had also grown quite fond of it this way too, so I kept it for him to play with. I liked the way it felt when he ran his fingers through it, or whenever he would twist it into little braids. The look of it had grown on me, anyways. 

The thought of Kachaan caused a flair of guilt to pang in my chest, but I pushed it away. I had to face this and I had to do it alone. It was the only way. 

I watched the man before me take a cautious step forward, quirking an eyebrow as he moved. I shuffled back with a glare, he was testing me. 

“I-f… If you come any closer, i’ll go. Keep your distance.” I tried to speak firmly, but deflated at the shakiness of my voice.  _ Dammit.  _

He nodded slowly, standing perfectly still. Good.. This is okay, it’s fine. I can handle this. I can keep control over this situation. 

I didn’t dare to remove my eyes from him, I didn’t trust him in the slightest sense. His physical appearance hadn’t changed too much. He was still strikingly gorgeous, tall and slender, with eyes that could break down the hardest of individuals. Something I did note that was different, was the absent smell of alcohol. Before, it would leak into the air around him no matter what time of day. It’s almost like the smell was permanently ingrained into his skin, mixing in with his normal smell of mint and eucalyptus. 

It gave me hope that maybe he wasn’t here for some sort of nightmarish reason. Maybe he did just need closure or maybe the guilt of not even saying goodbye had become too much for him. Either way, I knew he had some sort of motive. He had that familiar look in his eye, that determined look mixing into his mismatched eyes. There was a glint of something I couldn’t recognize. It reminded me to keep my guard up.  _ Remember what he did to you, how he hurt you… how he left you.  _

“What do you want? Why.. Why are you here, Shoto?” I questioned. I clenched my hands tightly into fists, nails digging into my palms. The adrenaline coursing through my veins was the only thing keeping the fear from completely taking over. 

He looked at me, surprised by my tone. Something quickly changed in his eyes, something dark. The hair rose on my arms in warning, I took a step back in preparation. I felt it tug at my heart gently, furthering my confusion. Despite everything he had done, I could never find myself to be angry about the abuse I had endured by his hand. In my mind, the man that hurt me was not Shoto. It was a monster that had come to replace him, destroying him as much as it was destroying me. 

I could find anger in the fact that he left me, without so much as a goodbye. Uraraka had comforted me through several panic attacks, but one of the biggest being the one where she broke the news to me that Shoto had taken some of his belongings from our shared apartment and left. I don’t think my heart will ever stop loving Shoto, but it did learn to move on and grieve his absence. 

Kachaan was slowly becoming everything to me, more so than even Shoto had in the past. It was something so different than the love I had felt and carried for Shoto. It was passionate and deep, sure. Most love was, afterall. 

But I felt like him and I were made for each other. Like God or the universe, or whatever it was, made him fit so perfectly within my broken pieces. Whatever souls are made of, specks of dust or stars, rivers or valleys, canyons or mountains… ours were the same. For the first time in my life, all pain and grief included, I felt complete. Like my heart could rest now… it had found the thing it yearned for. 

Thinking about Kachaan gave me the strength to stand taller, jutting my chin high in defiance. I had power here, I was strong enough to face Shoto and to protect my  _ family _ . 

“Well, why else would I be here?” he turned his head slightly to the side, hair moving to fall over his eye with the movement. “I’m here to see you...I’m home, Yukii.” 

I shivered at the nickname, goosebumps rising along my skin. I felt my pulse hammer against my neck, sweat sliding down the side of my face. Or were those tears? I wasn’t crying, was I? 

Everything started to blend together, and I watched as his eyes grew impossibly darker by the second. Whatever battle he was fighting within his own mind, seemed to be over. He had lost. He stepped closer, his smile transforming into one more malicious. I realized Uraraka had been right all of this time and I wished more than anything I would have just  _ listened  _ to her. 

The Shoto I knew and loved was gone. He passed when his brother did. Instead of letting him go and grieving his absence, I held on to the idea that he was still out there… suffering. 

I was naive, foolish. I was too loving, too forgiving and now it was too late. 

It was sad, but I know that as long as that dark part of him was still alive, I couldn’t be near him. I wouldn’t let this happen to me anymore. I am not a victim. 

I had been so frozen in place and lost in thought, that I hadn’t noticed how close he had gotten to me. My breath hitched, pausing to linger in my throat and constricting my airways. He was so close to me now, I could feel his breath hitting my face. It sent shivers down my spine. 

I wanted to turn around, to get as far away as I could. My eyes flickered around the empty streets, heart sinking down to my feet.  _ It was late, there was no one around to help. No one would see what he would do.  _

He reached out roughly, hand circling around my small wrist and squeezing tightly. I gasped loudly, pulling desperately against his hold. No. No, no no no no.  **NO.**

I fought hard against his grip as he dragged me towards an alley, why were there so many damn alley ways in this city? I continued pulling against him, using my other arm to try to free my wrist. I was no match for him though, he had always been much stronger than me. 

He slammed me roughly against the wall of the alley, bricks scraping the skin beneath my shirt. He pushed both of my hands above my head, holding them there tightly with one of his hands. I was a shaking mess now, barely managing to stand. 

With his free hand, he stroked gently against my cheek. I flinched at the touch, his hands tightening around my wrists in warning. I clenched my eyes tightly in fear, the bravery I had earlier now long gone. I was so ashamed of myself. I wanted to fight, kick, scream… anything. But I was paralyzed with fear, my muscles deemed useless. 

“Who’s that blonde you’re always with, huh? Found someone else already? That makes me so sad, Izuku. I thought you loved me.” he said sadly. The sadness seemed genuine, which caused my shaking to increase.  _ He was clearly out of his mind.  _

“S-shoto.. Please, just l-let me go. We haven’t been together for almost two years now. I-it doesn’t concern you who I d-date…” I tried to be firm with my words but they came out slurred and shaky. 

His eyes snapped to meet mine, tearing away from where they had been following the movement of his hand against my cheek. The hand that had been caressing me gently snapped down to my neck, squeezing firmly, forcing me to gasp desperately for air. I tried to free the hands that were still trapped above me, trying to claw at the hand that held them hostage there. He tightened both of his hands, squeezing me mercilessly. I felt something pop painfully in my wrist, the pain spreading down my entire arm. I tried to scream, but nothing escaped past the hand still wrapped around my throat. 

“Dating” he mumbled darkly. He chuckled softly, the grin from earlier returning to his face. He began laughing loudly, the sound echoing throughout the alley, bouncing off the walls into the night air. His eyes scrunched in humor, sighing when he finally stopped laughing. 

He opened his eyes again, looking back into mine. His figure was becoming very blurry in front of me, and I knew I was starting to lose consciousness from the lack of oxygen entering my body. Panic spread through me as my eyes began to roll to the back of my head. He grunted, releasing his tight hold on my neck. 

I gasped as air rushed into my lungs, chest heaving rapidly. His hand raised and smacked roughly against my cheek, the sound causing my ears to ring. My head was flung to the side, my cheek throbbed. 

“You’re mine, izuku.” he growled possessively. He lowered his face to rest against my neck, nuzzling the sensitive skin there with his nose. He placed soft kisses there, mumbling under his breath something I couldn’t quite make out. He bit down harshly against my neck causing me to scream out in pain. He moaned at the sound, sucking lightly at the spot he had just marked. 

“My little snowflake, so beautiful. You’ve forgotten who you belong to.. Poor thing. But don’t worry, lovely.” he spoke gently, almost as if he was trying to comfort me in his own sick twisted way. I gulped, I knew where this was going. I’d been in this place with him before… It didn’t mean it would be any less painful. 

“I’ll just have to remind you.” I felt him smirk against my neck, free hand sliding down to grip my ass tightly. 

The touch awoke something within me. _ I am not weak anymore. I can fight back.  _

I brought my knee up against his stomach, putting everything I had into it. He gasped loudly, loosening his grip enough for me to force my way out of his hold. I pushed him back roughly, and as much as I would love to see his reaction, I turned to sprint out of the alley. 

I ran as fast as I ever had, legs pushing me further and further down the dimly lit street. I reached into my back pocket, clicking Kachaans number that I had luckily placed on speed dial. I didn’t stop running as I listened to the call ring. 

The phone clicked, signalling that he answered. 

“Deku! Where the  _ hell  _ are you? We’ve been calling for over an hour. I’m on the way to the shop now, probably about five minutes away. I found out that your stupid friend didn’t even work today so you are in big t- Izuku?” 

Kachaan cut himself off, voice turning from anger to concern quickly. I kept running, he must be close then. 

“K-kachaan, i’m so.. Help. please, he’s following me. I’m run-running as fast as I can. Please, help please” I managed to spit out, feet smacking frantically against the sidewalk, breaths coming out in small pants.

I heard him curse quietly on the other side of the phone. 

“Keep running, i’m coming. Where are you?” he spoke calmly. I was thankful to hear him voice, it brought me a sense of peace. 

I looked around at the building whirling by as I sprinted past, I recognized a large, white building that I knew was the library. 

“L-library!” I stuttered out. 

He assured me that he was close, and demanded that I stay on the phone. I had no intention of hanging up on him, so there were no complaints on my end. 

I heard the sound of shoes hitting the street behind me, turning quickly to see that Shoto was running behind me, quickly catching up. 

I screamed, pushing myself to run faster, faster, faster. 

My legs were screaming at me to stop, my lungs practically crying as they heaved in small, unsteady breaths. 

The pain in my wrist and cheek had been reduced to a dull throbbing, the pain in other areas of my body currently demanding more attention. 

“Katsuki..” I spoke as gently as possible to the phone pressed against my ear. The fear had become so overwhelming now, but I had to prepare for the possibility of Shoto catching me now. And I didn’t know what he would do when he finally caught me. 

I heard a deep gasp crackle through the speaker, obviously shocked by the sound of his first name. I never called him by his given name, not even when we were children. 

“Deku, just hold on.. I’m almost… I see you! I can see you!” 

Sure enough, I spotted a dark figure heading towards me at an unimaginable speed. He was so close now, safety was so close. If I could just make it to him everything would be okay. He would save me,  _ my hero would save me.  _

I felt a hand yank me backwards by my injured wrist, white-hot pain shooting up my arms causing a choked yelp to escape me. My body flew backwards, back smacking against a hard chest and a slender hand reaching to pin both of my hands against my chest. I wiggled around frantically trying to free myself, trying desperately to put distance between me and Shoto. 

I ceased all movements when I felt something sharp press gently against my neck. I inhaled a deep gasp, body shaking in terror. The light of the street lamps shimmered against a silver blade, an ominous shadow appearing on the ground. He has a knife.  _ He has a fucking knife.  _

I looked at kachaan in panic, his normally level expression had been wiped from his face completely. In its place stood fear, worry, and pain. His face was pinched together tightly, lips perked up into a wicked snarl. His eyes glared angrily into those of the man holding me captive. 

I shook harder. I didn’t want kachaan to be hurt. 

“Uh uh uh.. Don’t come any closer. Wouldn’t want to accidentally hurt little zuku now would we?” Shoto warned, his voice held humor to it. It seemed that this situation was entertaining for him. 

Kachaan snarled, a growl rumbling deep in his throat. The sound made more goosebumps rise on my skin, the hair on the back of my neck standing. This wasn’t going to end well. 

“Just let him go, asshole. Haven’t you already done enough?!” Kachaan yelled, knuckles whitening as he clenched his fists impossibly tight. He stood in a position that showed he was ready for a fight, one he didn’t plan on backing down from. He was at a disadvantage due to my position against shoto’s chest, but I knew how capable Katsuki was… especially with someone he cared for on the line. 

My back vibrated as Shoto laughed loudly, his head thrown back in clear amusement. The only way out of this situation is through. The fear I felt was consuming, taking over my body more and more by the second. I scolded myself for being so weak. I got both Kachaan and I into this situation with my own stubbornness. I had to come up with a plan to get us out. 

  
“I don’t know, I quite like him here.” shoto murmured wickedly. He leaned down to kiss at the side of my neck not accompanied by the knife, eyes boring into the crimson ones before him. 

Kachaan shook with rage. I could practically see the smoke rolling out his ears. 

I let out a whimper and squeezed my eyes shut as Shoto nipped at my neck, humming in delight at the sound that managed to slip past my lips. He drug the knife up my neck, slowly, not applying enough pressure to cut my skin, but enough that a small white line followed the movement. My body stopped shaking, in fear of causing any cuts. I held my breath as he brought the knife to my freckled cheek. 

Kachaan took two quick steps forward, arm raising to grab for me. To smack at the knife. To do  _ something.  _ But his movement startled Shoto, causing his grip on me to tighten. 

Shoto growled, slashing my cheek with the knife. I yelped in pain, feeling my skin split it two under my left eye. I pushed against him, trying to free myself and remove my body from the pain. He held me steady, eyes glaring at Kachaan in warning. 

Kachaan froze entirely, eyes going wide at the actions taking place before him. 

I felt tears swim out of my eyes, landing on the cool metal of the knife. I bit my lip to stifle my cries. I tried to stay as calm as I could for Kachaan’s sake. I kept my eyes locked on his, trying to convey to him that I was okay. That everything was going to be fine. 

“I warned you not to come any closer” Shoto growled, eyes flickering to the cut he had caused. 

He cooed, smearing the blood and tears further down my cheeks with his fingers. He huffed in annoyance, eyes flicking back to kachaan quickly. 

“Now his beautiful  _ face  _ is going to scar! What a shame. Oh well. Who are you anyways? I don’t appreciate your closeness with my little Yuki. he’s not yours to play with, you know?” 

I could see something snap within Kachaan, his eyes glazing over in what I could only assume was blind rage. Before I could even comprehend what was happening, He lunged forward, closed fist connecting roughly with Shotos face. Shoto wailed in pain, hands releasing their hold on me to reach up to grab at his now bleeding nose. 

Kachaan used this opportunity to smack the knife from his hand, kicking it into the street. He grabbed my arm gently, yanking me to stand behind him.  _ Holy shit. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.  _

He pushed me further away from Shoto, blocking my body with his, his strong Arms outstretched to shield me from the man in front of us. His body was tense, ready to pounce forward and protect me with everything he had. I could practically feel the adrenaline flowing from him. 

Shoto stood up straight, scowling deeply at the loss of my body pressed against his. He released the hold on his nose, using the sleeve of his thin jacket to rub the blood away from his face. His eyes were dark, pupils blown almost consuming the color. 

Kachaan reached into his back pocket with one hand, the other still holding its protective stance in front of my body. He handed it back to me without turning his eyes away from Shoto. 

“Izuku, I need you to call the police.” he spoke firmly, voice wavering only slightly as he gave me the instructions. 

I nodded frantically, dialing the number and waiting patiently for the operator to answer. It took a few short seconds before a kind woman answered, I explained the situation as quickly and clearly as possible, describing our location in as much detail as possible. She told me to stay on the line and that officers were on the way. 

Shoto, knowing very well he would be caught when the police arrived, turned quickly on his heel to bolt down the empty street. I watched helplessly as his figure retreated down the road. 

“NO!” kachaan screamed angrily. He sprinted after him, catching up to him in an impressive amount of time and tackling him to the ground. He pushed Shoto on to his stomach, forcing his wrists behind his back. Kachaan sat heavily on the back of his thighs, forcing him to remain in that position. 

Shoto was screaming in anger, fighting frantically to free himself and escape back into the shadows of the night. I could hear the sirens getting closer to where I stood, watching the scene unfold before me. I didn’t move when three police cars flew down the street, parking carelessly in the middle of the empty road. I didn’t react when the officers ran to where Kachaan had Shoto pinned down, pulling him away as they cuffed Shotos pale wrists tightly behind him. 

I could hear him screaming in agony, eyes scanning around frantically before resting on me and settling slightly. He was yelling something at me, but I couldn’t hear. 

I couldn’t hear the nice officer or the paramedic asking me questions, quickly yet gently checking over my injures and patching me up. I could only stare at the now closed door of the car they’d pushed Shoto in. Watching through the window as he thrashed around in the back seat, seeming to still be screaming something. 

When the care finally pulled away, I saw Kachaan yelling at an officer but I couldn’t tell what they were saying. I could tell by the frantic movement of his hands that he was obviously upset, and he was gesturing towards me. 

The officers around me nodded in understanding at whatever he was saying, smiling apologetically at me before walking away. Kachaan scribbled something on the paper one of the officers gave him, before handing it back and nodding in approval. 

He made his way over to me, eyes still burning with intensity. His elbow was bleeding a bit, probably from when he tackled Shoto. But otherwise, he didn’t appear to be injured. I relaxed a bit at that. He was okay. I was okay. 

I guess Kachaan had been talking to me, because he sighed and gently lifted me into his arms. He walked towards one of the police cars, nodding at the officer who opened the door for him. He slipped into the backseat, but didn’t let go of me. He pulled the buckle over both of our bodies, securing it in place then squeezed me tightly. He burried his face in my neck, and I shivered. I knew I was safe now, but I couldn’t control my reaction to his touch. 

Certain areas made the panic rush back in again, and I think he realized this on the ride home. He kept his touch away from my face, wrists, and neck. I still felt Shoto’s hands all over me and I wanted nothing more than to shower and scrub everything away. I wanted to feel clean again. 

It was clear that Shoto was very sick, obviously not in a sound space of mind. I hoped that wherever the police were taking him, he would receive the proper care and help that he truly needed. My heart couldn’t help but ache at the thought of the old him, before grief turned him into the person he is today. 

Shy, respectful, kind and loving young Shoto… with so much hope for the future. He had been through so much, even back then. The world had never been kind to him and I so desperately tried to change that. Maybe that was why he had become fixated on me… I was the only person to show him love and kindness, other than his siblings. The only one who cared to break through that cold, unwavering exterior. 

I had to grieve the old him and move on. 

I had to understand that the man that hurt me and endangered Kachaan tonight, was who Shoto was now. The man I had once loved was gone. 

I was snapped out of my thoughts when the car came to a stop and I realized we had made it back to my apartment. Kachaan climbed out of the car, still holding me tightly in his arms. For once, I didn’t object when he carried me up the stairs. I didn’t say anything when he unlocked the door (he had his own key now and everything) and told Uraraka to make some warm tea. 

I let him pull me into the bathroom, and place me to stand on the rug. I let him pull of my shirt, my pants followed shortly after. But when his hands went to tug down my black briefs, I wrapped my hand around his wrist gently, causing him to pause his movements. 

I didn’t look up to meet his eyes, focusing my gaze on the pale tile floor. I just needed some space and every touch was pushing shoto’s further into my skin. It was trying to make it’s home there and I needed to get the feeling of his skin off of me. I needed to be clean. 

“Okay baby..” he spoke softly, pressing a light kiss to the top of my head. 

“I’m going to leave the door cracked, but i’ll give you some privacy.. I’ll go get you some clothes, okay?” he turned to the door, sparing one last hesitant look my way before exiting. 

As promised, the door was left open a few inches. It didn't bother me though, it was just what I needed. I had the privacy I craved, but also the security of knowing that we weren’t separated by something as trivial as a door. 

In the shower, I dowsed a rag in my green apple scented soap and scrubbed my skin raw, Freckles disappearing under the angry red color. I did it again. And again. And again. I scrubbed until my skin felt like it was on fire, burning under the heat of the water. 

It was then that reality began to sink in. Everything hurt.  _ Everything hurt.  _

I felt hands slide to wrap around my throat squeezing harshly, I felt strong teeth sink into my neck, hands sliding all around my body, touching and squeezing and trying to claim me. 

I felt hot breath fanning against the shell of my ear, I felt the slice of a knife glide across my cheek, and I felt my heart beating so hard against my chest that I feared it would shatter my ribs. 

Everything my mind had managed to protect my body from earlier, _ I felt it all. All at once.  _

My knees collided with the floor of the shower, a broken sob ripping through me. I finally allowed myself to really cry. 

I let everything I felt come out through my tears, the pain of tonight, the pain of losing shoto, the pain of a year long abusive cycle, the pain of feeling so hopeless, the pain of feeling that i’m not enough. 

I cried For letting Uraraka down, for the loss of my mother, for the time I spent without Kachaan and how he deserved so much better than me. 

_ How I deserved so much better than what had happened to me.  _

The sound of the shower curtain being ripped open caused me to shriek and curl in on myself. I pulled harshly at my hair, suddenly hating the length of it. Hating how he had put his  _ evil  _ hands in it and told me how much he loved it. 

I felt strong, gentle hands try to lift me from the tub. I screamed, the sound echoing around the bathroom as I slammed by hands down on the sides of the tub, trying desperately to anchor myself in place. No, no. I wouldn’t go. I wouldn’t let him take me. 

I screamed again, shaking my head aggressively from side to side. Wet hair was sticking to my face, pushing my panic even further over the edge. I tried to scream again, to let more pain escape, but nothing came. I was screaming quietly now, the sound refusing to leave me. 

I felt a presence sink into the tub with me, forcing me into their lap and rocking us back and forth. A warm hand swept the hair out of my face, forcing my eyes upwards by my chin. Red. Pretty red eyes. 

I felt myself relax. The serenity of the red calming me, and that’s when I could hear the person holding me was speaking so gently, so delicately. 

“Shhh, I know.. I know, baby. I’m sorry. I’m so.. I'm so sorry. I love you.” the voice was raspy, and felt like a lullaby as it flowed into my ears. I recognized that sweet song, immediately. 

Kachaan. My sweet Katsuki.. 

_ My hero.  _

“Come back to me, angel… I've got you.” he continued to sway us back and forth, the water from the shower head still sprayed both of us. I noticed then that he had jumped into the shower, still fully clothed. 

I stared into his eyes, body untensing at his gentle gaze. 

He continued to whisper sweet nothings as we rocked back and forth under the water. It soothed me enough to become completely pliant in his arms, a whimper occasionally escaping my slightly parted lips. 

I never tore my eyes away from him though, not even when he reached over to turn off the water or when he stood up, and wrapped us both in a large towel. 

He walked towards my bedroom, carrying me easily in one arm as he opened the door with his other. 

When I finally spoke, it stopped him dead in his tracks, eyes widening in surprise and delight. 

  
  


“I love you, Kachaan.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that was intense :/ 
> 
> Comment and let me know what you guys think of this chapter


	12. chapter 12

**Katsuki Pov**

Everything moved fairly quickly after the half n half bastard was arrested. He was deemed unfit to stand trial due to mental health,  _ shocking,  _ and was sent to a psychiatric facility where he would spend quite some time in. Deku has been doing better than what we all expected, but truthfully I don’t think he would ever truly let us know what he’s thinking.  I know there’s a lot going on in that beautiful mind of his and it torments me to know that whatever it is, is hurting him. I’m next to him every night, comforting him through his nightmares. Even the ones he doesn’t wake up remembering. The worst of it all, is when he wakes up seemingly still dreaming and he’s terrified of  _ me.  _

I know it’s not his fault, and healing is a slow, individual process that varies from person to person.. But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt to watch him flinch away from me and scream. Eventually, he snaps out of it and melts back into me. It’s killing me to know i’m powerless in this… he’s battling his own mind, his own experiences. I can’t save him from that.  On top of that, I'm having issues of my own. Sometimes I dream about the knife against Deku’s neck. What if I would have stepped even closer? What if I hadn’t even made it to him in time? I blame myself for even allowing this to happen, but Izuku tells me that It was completely out of my hands. I guess he’s right. I’m trying not to beat myself up over what happened, to move on and do my best to take care of the both of us.  _ Easier said than done.  _

I’ve pretty much moved into Izuku and Uraraka’s apartment. It doesn’t make much sense, considering the size of my home… but Izuku is comfortable here. It’s familiar to him and honestly, the little place has grown on me. What’s a big house when I was living in it alone anyways?  I’ve noticed a change in our dynamic, the three of us obviously quite clingy over one another. Even round face is hesitant to let  _ me  _ go out alone, mostly in the evenings. It’s rare that I do leave alone, Izuku being out of my sight sends me into a spiral I'm not ready to face yet. 

The brutal arguments round face and I used to have are now just small bickering matches. Neither of us have it in to fight that way anymore, Even if it was just friendly banter. 

We both speak softly and move around lightly, as any loud noise startles Izuku. The day I dropped a pan in the kitchen, I thought we were going to have to drive him to the hospital. He wasn’t breathing for so long, his lips had started to turn light blue in color.  I tried to be more careful after that. 

We had fallen into a routine at home. I’d come home from work and find Izuku in his room, usually playing around on an instrument.. Those were the good days. He’d smile and laugh with us, help me prepare dinner, and kiss me gently throughout the night. 

On bad days, I'd come home to find him sitting in the tub, knees pulled to his chest and the spray of the shower soaking his clothes. He would be staring straight ahead, hair falling in his face but nonetheless, completely still. It was like he wasn’t even in his body when this happened… His therapist described this act as dissociating. 

He wasn’t even able to acknowledge my presence when this happened. I had no way of knowing how long he had sat in the tub, but it was long enough for the water to run cold, and his skin to feel like ice. I’d turn off the water, peel off his wet close and sweep the hair out of his forehead. He wouldn’t even react. Not once. 

It wasn’t until I had him dressed in warmer clothes, wrapped in his favorite fluffy green blanket, with a cup of warm tea in his hands that he would blink up at me. He was always so confused when this happened, eyes showing that he didn’t know how he got here, when i’d even made it home… I wish I could take this away for him. I really fucking do. 

Either way, we still ate dinner together every night. Uraraka would get home from work just before dinner was done. We would sit at the table, talk and try our best to get Izuku to engage… on the bad days, it was impossible. We’d watch something on Tv together, before getting ready for bed. 

The routine was helpful for all of us, especially Izuku. We tried not to have any breaks in our system… but some things couldn’t be helped. 

Like today, for example.  _ Fuck today.  _

I had to stay later at work, we had one of the most famous food critics in the country coming into the restaurant and it was something that I had to be there for. Owning your own restaurant had its blessings, and it’s fucking inconveniences. Of course, the fucker had to show up an hour before I was due to leave. I knew there was going to be no way I would get home on time to take care of Izuku, so I sent Uraraka a text letting her know that I would be late. 

This meant Izuku would be alone for a few extra hours. As much as I hated it, he had come a long way since the incident and I think he could handle this. He was going to have to handle it… we didn’t have a choice. It’s not like we could call someone over to sit with him, anyone other than Uraraka or myself sent him into a full on panic. I couldn’t blame him, I didn’t want any of these shitty extras around either… but our reasoning was obviously different. Being around other people is something we are trying to work on with him, but it has to be done carefully and in small doses. 

Sometimes, we let him talk to Jirou or Shitty hair on the phone. He can normally keep up the conversation for about five minutes before he’s signaling that he’s overwhelmed. It’s a huge improvement from where we first started and I'm so proud of him for trying his best and making progress. My deku has always been a fighter. 

I was extremely worried and stressed about the break in our routine but I had no other option. I would just have to hope that round face could manage to get off early. 

It was 10pm by the time I could leave the restaurant, leaving the closing process to Kirishima and rushing home as fast as I could. Something didn’t feel right. Something felt… off. 

I could feel it in my bones that something was wrong with Izuku, and the thought made me sick to my stomach.  _ Fuck. please be okay.  _

  
  


I threw my car in park, snatching the keys and locking it quickly before sprinting up the stairs to the apartment. My heart pounded loudly in my ears,I just had to make it to him…

I pushed open the door, frowning when It was unlocked. Weird. Uraraka always makes sure to lock it, and I know for a fact Izuku wouldn’t have unlocked it in the first place. I shut the door, it rattled against the frame noisily. 

“Bakugo?” Uraraka called, she sounded strained… something was definitely not right here. 

“Yeah!” I called back, sliding off my shoes and kicking them carelessly by the door. I tried to calm myself down and not rush in too quickly. I didn’t want to cause any more damage or stress to whatever the fuck was going on. 

That’s when I heard it, loud wails echoing from the walls. Deku.

“Hurry! We’re- we’re in the bathroom!” 

I rushed towards the hallway, freezing at the sight before me. Deku was curled in round face’s lap, sobbing hysterically. His face was red, lips puffy from wailing. It was a sight I'd seen many times before, but it never got easier. I hated seeing him like this, I wanted him to be happy always. He deserved it… he really did. 

Uraraka’s hands were clutching him tightly, white knuckles twisting into the fabric of his shirt. Her eyes watered as she stared up at me, mouth opening and closing in lack of words. I didn’t know what the fuck was going on, but she better start fucking explaining. 

She seemed to snap out of it when she noticed my glare, she shook her head softly, obviously not wanting to alert Deku of our silent conversation. She flicked her eyes down to the tile surrounding them, causing me to follow her gaze. My hand flew up to my mouth to cover my gasp when I noticed what was going on. 

I was so caught up in my concern for his crying that I hadn’t taken a moment to take in his actual appearance. Emerald curls littered the bathroom floor, contrasting darkly from the paleness of the white tiles. His hair now fell just below the lobe of his ears. He shook aggressively, sobs surging through his body causing his shoulders to rise and fall. 

The hair wasn’t really a problem, I mean I loved his long hair but I thought he was beautiful either way. I know that his hair was something of a sensitive topic, but he had never really explained it in much detail. I know that… that peppermint looking ass bastard had made a big deal about his hair being long. 

I had a feeling that’s what this was about.  _ Oh zuku…  _

I came closer, careful to approach slowly but to make sure my presence was known so that I wouldn’t startle him. When I was next to them, I plopped gently next to Uraraka who handed Izuku off to me. He curled into my arms, sobbing harder now. I ran my hand through his short hair, frowning as he shivered. I spared a look at Uraraka who nodded without me even telling her what I needed, this has happened many times before. She rose shakily, turning to the shower to turn on the water wordlessly. 

And just like I’d done many times before, I pulled his clothes from his tiny body and stood in the shower with him. I accepted the soap covered rag from Uraraka and washed his body down gently. He calmed slightly at the familiar smell, and looked into my eyes. His lip quivered as a sob forced its way past them. I leaned down and placed a small peck there, before scrubbing shampoo into his hair. 

He let out a content sigh, leaning into my touch. I was exhausted. Beyond tired. I wanted more than anything to curl up and cry and just pretend that nothing bad had ever happened. 

It was hard to love someone who was hurt like this, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Really, I would never give Izuku up for anything or anyone. I love him, so much. 

But it’s hard. I want to take everything away, his pain… his suffering.. But I can’t. 

His bad days are my bad days too.. 

  
  
  


**Izuku Pov**

I had to cut my hair. 

I could hear his voice whispering how much he loved it… and I could feel his hands running through it. 

I could feel my scalp burned as he grabbed it to drag me around our old apartment. 

The way he yanked on it and twisted his fingers into it when he fucked into me. 

I thought that getting rid of it would make some of the pain go away… I was wrong. 

I know Kachaan was tired of taking care of me.. I could see how tired he was… how he wanted it to just be easier. 

I know he deserved better. 

I was nothing. 

Worthless, stupid, nothing. 

I didn’t deserve someone as great as Kachaan. 

I deserved the way that I was treated before, with Shoto. I deserved to be hurt. 

I wanted to be better, I wanted to… to  _ try to get better.  _

_ I was trying. I am trying.  _

But I can’t. 

  
  


I’m drowning again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Zuzu :( 
> 
> Trauma effects people in different ways, and Bakugo was right when he said the healing process is different for each Individual person. I really wanted to touch on that in this story. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> song : Like everybody else (acoustic) - Lennon Stella


	13. chapter 13

**Katsuki Pov**

I pulled Grey sweatpants up Izuku’s pale legs, stifling a yawn as I did. Basil colored eyes stared intently as I dressed his tiny body. He had lost weight and as worried as I was, I knew better than to bring it up in more than just passing. Anything could set him off and on days like today, there was no way of knowing exactly what would push him even further over the edge. I think we’d both had enough for the day. 

Still, his gaze was somewhat encouraging considering eye contact was rare nowadays. Normally after incidents like this, not that anything this drastic had happened, he refused to look at me or Uraraka. I offered him a smile, but even I knew it was shaky and unconvincing. I felt horrible about it, but I was only human after all.. It was hard to keep this act up constantly, things weren’t okay. I was scared for him. I worried for him, and I wanted him to be okay. Knowing he wasn’t…. It made me feel like I wasn't doing enough. I wanted to do more, to  _ be more.  _ But I was already giving him every part of me… I had nothing left to give that I hadn’t already. 

A slow tear leaked from his eye, swimming through freckles and dripping down too sharp jaw. I swiped it away, pressing a gentle kiss to the tip of his pink nose. My eyes fluttered gently, finding safety in the haven of my closed eyelids. He sniffled, nose twitching against my lips. 

I moved my lips to rest against his forehead, pressing another gentle kiss there. I let my fingers rest on the back of his neck, stroking gently at the absence of hair there. The shorter look was cute, I had to admit. It reminded me of the way he looked in high school. Adorable, sweet, soft… young. 

It was a drastic contrast from the dark bags under his eyes and the hollowness of his cheeks. Something so youthful and lively, resting atop of several years of trauma and stress. He wore it better than anyone else could, still as beautiful as the day I laid eyes on him all those years ago. Only now, he was missing pieces of himself. Pieces that were taken away from him with no permission. Pieces that would never be repaired, or replaced. He was an incomplete puzzle, beautiful and intricate in his own quizzical way. I wanted nothing more than to offer my own pieces, and pray desperately that they could fill the holes in him. 

I didn’t want to open my eyes. I wanted to just  _ feel  _ him. I wanted to hold him and pretend he wasn’t physically wracked with sadness. So I slid my arm behind him, winding it around his back and holding him flush against my chest. I held him tightly, trying to ignore the notches of his spine digging into my arm. Trying to ignore the way his shoulders were shaking, the way his fingers were twisting tightly into my shirt. It was like he was afraid I'd disappear, like he needed to hold on as tightly as he could or I'd melt away into nothingness. I hated that he didn’t know I'd never leave, but how could he? Everything he had ever loved had hurt him. I was no exception, I'd hurt him every day when we were younger. As much as he could say he forgave me, I was a part of this. I contributed to this hell he was in and I couldn’t pretend to be some sort of… salvation to him when I helped fucking put him here. 

I guess I hadn’t forgiven myself. 

Not for what I did to Deku. Not for my absence when he needed me. Not for letting his abuser get to him again. Not for pretending everything was okay while he was struggling… I was a part of the problem. 

“K-kachaan…” izuku spoke quietly, voice barely above a whisper. 

I forced myself to open my eyes and look at him, he stared up at me through his lashes. His bottom lip wobbled as he struggled with what he was about to say. I was shocked to even hear him speak, normally on bad days his voice didn’t make an appearance and I tried not to push. 

“I-i… I know that i’m a lot to- to handle now… If you didn’t w-wanna be with m-me.. I would understand. I wouldn’t b-be mad Kachaan, I love you and I know you deserve so much better than m-me… it isn’t your fault that i’m d-damaged.. “ he stuttered out. I was shocked at his words, and frankly they angered me. I hated that I was angry.. But dammit, I couldn’t fucking help it. How could he even- what the  **fuck.**

I ripped myself away from him, ignoring the shriek he let out as I did, my eyes glared down at his shaking form. I know I need to calm down, I was scaring him. He’d been through enough already. But I fucking can’t.  _ I can’t.  _

Everything was finally catching up to me all at once, and I was angry. I was so fucking  _ angry.  _ I was angry that any of this ever happened to Izuku, I was angry that he didn’t see how amazing he was, I was angry that I didn’t have the power to fix this. I was tired, drained and feeling helpless. I  _ can’t take it anymore, God fucking dammit. Fuck.  _

I slammed my hand flat against the wall, the painting hanging against it rattling violently. Deku curled in tighter to himself, shrinking in size.  _ Calm down, Katsuki. Look at what you’re doing.  _

I took a deep breath, pinching my eyes shut tightly trying to calm myself. I removed my hand from the wall, opening my eyes and softening my glare upon seeing how shaken deku was. 

I sighed, sinking down with my back pressed against the wall, hands gripping at the carpet beneath me. This was too much. 

“Angel, i’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s okay.” I spoke gently, opening my arms in invitation for him to crawl into them. He was hesitant, eyeing me warily before slowly walking over and sinking down into my hold. I pushed his head to rest against my chest, knowing the sound of my heart would calm him. 

“There you go, baby. Try to match your breathing to my heart, okay? You can do it.” I didn’t say anything, just rubbing his back softly. Eventually, his breathing slowed down to it’s normal pace. I sighed, leaning back until my head rested against the wall. 

“Izuku.. You’re not damaged. You’ve been hurt, and I'm so sorry that any of this happened to you. I’m sorry that I contributed to this pain, If I could take this away I would in an instant. Unfortunatly, some people want to leave their mark on others so much that they don’t fucking care if it’s a scar. You’re supposed to leave people better than the way you found them... To help them learn, and grow. People shouldn’t treat other people like they’re disposable, like they aren’t even  _ people.  _ Dammit, deku. You stupid, shitty nerd… how can you not see how important you are? How can you not see how loved you are, how much  _ I love you.”  _ by the time I finished, the tears I was trying to desperately keep at bay were falling freely down my face. My body shook as sobs ripped through me, I clenched my jaw in an attempt to keep them in. 

_ This was all too much. I can’t take this anymore. It’s too much. Everything hurts and it-it’s too much.  _

I felt dainty hands scrape gently through my hair, and little kisses were pressing gently against my wet cheeks. I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I didn’t want to cry in front of Izuku, I didn’t want to worry him anymore than I already have. He had enough going on. 

“I’m sorry, zuku..” I mumbled through my tears. 

He shook his head, kissing my head. He smiled softly, it was beautiful. I hadn’t seen a smile so gentle and sweet in weeks. The wall around my heart cracked at the sight. 

“Just because I'm hurting doesn’t mean you can’t be too. My needs do not outweigh yours, hero.” he mumbled. He stood, offering me his hand and leading us over to his bed. He pushed me down gently, pulling the covers over both of us. 

My crying had been reduced to sniffles as Deku rubbed soothing circles into the skin of my back, under my shirt. My head rested against his chest now, a position so unfamiliar to the both of us. I wasn’t used to being the one who was being held and comforted. 

His words resonated with me though, and I realized how true they were. I was so ridiculous for thinking that I couldn’t talk to Deku about how I was feeling. 

  
  


You know, love was always something that seemed so transactional to me. You give and in return you are supposed to receive.. It was trivial, and only existed in movies or shitty novels. 

But laying here, in the arms of the sun, I knew that love was the true definition of happiness. No amount of money, goods, or cars could ever extract this same feeling. 

  
  


Feeling Izuku’s love was the closest to heaven that I’d probably ever be. My angel, My sun, and all my stars. 

  
  


We’ll get through this together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short little update for you guys!  
> Seeing the people you love go through such difficult times can bring on its own issues.  
> You can't take care of others if you aren't taking care of yourself. 
> 
> :) song  
> Us - James Bay


	14. chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time skip, but this is the final chapter!
> 
> song   
> Till the world stops turning - Kaleb Jones

**Izuku Pov**

  
  


I was really starting to understand just how lucky I was. I have such an amazing life, and regardless of what has happened to me… to all of us, I know that no matter what, i’ll be okay. Healing takes time, and I was beginning to genuinely believe that. It was something I'd been told for years but I never thought to just sit back and listen. It was really an awakening for me when Kachaan broke down that night. It made me realize that my pain, and my suffering had an effect on others. The things I did, things I said… they mattered. The people around me that loved me and cared about me, they needed me to be okay. They wanted me to be here, to be alive… to be healthy. 

  
  


It wasn’t easy, not by any means. It was a battle, one that I was still facing every day. It was something I knew I would face for the rest of my life, but I was okay with that. The pain and the trauma would always be there, and while It had its moments.. It was more manageable now. Sometimes I could go a full day without even thinking about it. It was something I was very proud of. 

There was a knock on the door that snapped me from my thoughts, I turned to look over my shoulder as the door was pushed open. Uraraka pushed through, her smile stretching widely across her face and causing her eyes to almost disappear as they squinted. It was a genuine happiness. I was happy to see her return to her… she deserved it so much, and for a moment I allowed myself to think about everything I've put her through over the years. She was an amazing friend, and an even better person. I was so thankful for her. 

“You ready?” she spoke, voice high with excitement. I chuckled at her enthusiasm, hands fumbling with the tie around my neck. They shook slightly, my nerves getting the best of me. She shut the door behind her, walking across the room and grabbing my shaking hands to guide them away from my neck. She tied the tie for me, making quick work of the knot before looking up into my eyes. Her eyes shone with fresh tears, cheeks pink and lips stretching into a proud smile. She was  _ proud.  _

“I’m nervous..” I had to admit it, to say it out loud. There was nothing in me that questioned my decision, but damn if I wasn’t shaking in my skin. It was a pretty big deal after all. 

She nodded in understanding, hands sliding down to grip my shoulders gently. “It’s only natural to be nervous, but Izuku… you’re marrying your best friend. Today is the happiest day of your life. Today is the beginning of every single tomorrow you’ll ever live. The rest of your life, with Bakugo by your side… ew, you’re sure you want to do this?” she joked, eyebrows raised in amusement. I laughed, swatting at her playfully. 

“I’m definitely sure. It’s just nerve-wracking! There’s so many people out there!” I mumbled nervously. 

She reached into the pocket of her dress, pulling out a small, vintage looking pin. She opened her hands, presenting the object to me. My breath caught in my throat at the sight… It was a small, vintage pin, A blue hummingbird. The one my mom used to wear. Tears swelled in my eyes and I clutched my chest, hand resting over my heart. I snapped my eyes up to Uraraka, her expression identical to mine. How did she-? What? 

“Y-your mom.. She gave this to me several years ago, she made me promise to give it to you the day you got married. Zuku’, I know that this isn’t the most  _ traditional  _ wedding, and that neither of your parents are here to walk you down the aisle.. But i wanted you to have this… something old, borrowed, and blue.” she spoke softly, moving to pin the small bird to my chest. It rested beautifully against my dress shirt, and I could feel my mom clearly. It was almost like she was here, physically. I brushed over the pin with the tips of my fingers, heart yearning to hug her, to talk to her… I wish more than anything she would have been here for this… but I know that she is. Maybe not in the way I’d always pictured, but she is here. She always has been. 

I pulled Uraraka into a tight embrace, squeezing her and mumbling my thanks. I pulled away with a huff, a new sense of determination resting behind my eyes. “Let’s walk down this aisle, my man is waiting!” She cheered in approval, interlocking her arm with mine as we walked through the doors. 

The music played gently, family and friends spread across benches and chairs. Everyone looked so happy for us, like they’d been rooting for us all along. Maybe they were, we were just too blind to see it. I’m glad I finally opened my eyes… i’m so, so happy. 

At the end of the aisle, waited the most well dressed Katsuki Bakugou I'd ever seen. His eyes watered as we approached, bottom lip wobbling as I stared into his eyes. This was the love of my life, my heaven and earth combined standing in front of me. I didn’t think I would ever experience the kind of love he gave me. I never thought I was  _ worthy  _ of it… he showed me that I was important, special, beautiful. Uraraka handed me over to him, I laughed as they glared at each other playfully. She took her place next to me, beaming as she handed me the ring for Katsuki. Kirishima handed Kachaan my ring as well, eyes crinkling in his own sharp toothed smile. Kachaan scoffed at him, but there was only happiness and endearment behind it. 

When it came time to our vows, I knew what I wanted to say without needing a paper or a script. My voice shook as I looked into the familiar red of his eyes, lost in the comfort of the rubiness of them. It occured to me even more then, that I would get to stare into these eyes for the rest of my life. 

  
  


“From the first day I met you, I was drawn to you… like a moth to a flame. I was always there, a step behind you. Just so blown away by everything that is  _ you,  _ kachaan. You are everything that I never thought I would have. You are love embodied in human form, you are passion within a single gaze, strength within tears and so much more. You’re my hero, my savior, and the love of my life. Your voice is my favorite song, made up of stars and fire embers and every happy thing I could ever think of. You stuck around when things seemed impossible to bear, and instead of running for the hills.. You took care of me, of us! I will love you, endlessly for the rest of my days. I hope that I can provide you with half as much as you’ve given me, I love you Kachaan. Today, tomorrow, and always.” I finished, tears rolling down my face. He sniffled in response, grin impossibly wide on his face. 

“And now, you may kiss th-” 

The officiant was interrupted by Kachaan grabbing my face and pulling me into the most passionate kiss we had ever shared. I could feel every ounce of love and reassurance in that single kiss. This was exactly where I was supposed to be...Next to him, with him here next to me, with Our friends and family surrounding us and cheering at our newfound life together. This journey was new, and scary… but I was prepared for what the future would bring for us. 

“I introduce to you, Mr and Mr. Bakugo Katsuki!” 

I giggled, eyes shining and heart exploding with happiness. Izuku Bakugo… I liked the sound of that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to those of you who read this Fic! It was my first one i'd ever really posted and written.  
> Your positive comments have really encourage me to continue writing and posting! I know the ending may be shorter and different than anticipated, but I felt like this is where they were going with their lives! 
> 
> I've posted a few one Shot stories, so make sure to check those out if you're looking for something to read :) 
> 
> Thank you guys, so so much! x


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